Date of the Month-December # 3 Friday night dinner

So December really was a busy month.  December # 3 and I met on OKCupid.  We have been emailing and then text for quite a while.  We had plans about a week earlier but I canceled.  He text me and asked about dinner on Friday.  So we made plans to get some sushi. 

Before the date I was talking to a friend on facebook.  I told her about my date later that night and our plans to go get sushi.  Her response made me laugh.  She said that Sushi was very sensuous for a first date.  She said it was because of the textures and how you eat.  I can see where she is coming from but I am not talented enough to eat with chopsticks so I use a fork.  Maybe sushi is not as sensuous when you use a fork.   We talked about other suggestive foods.  I said hot dogs and she added an ice cream cone.  Yeah, those are both very suggestive.  Can you think of any others?

So I arrived at the restaurant after December #3 did.  I quickly spotted him sitting at a table.  We quickly hugged.  He is an attractive black man with a very friendly smile and dimples.  He is well articulated and has a smooth voice that is nice to listen to.  The restaurant had some really interesting names for some of their rolls including Sexy Lady and IDid Your Sister.  There were other funny names but I can’t remember them now.  Well December #3 and I ended up ordering a few different rolls and sharing.  I have never shared on a first date but sushi is easy to share. 

December #3 and I talked about food likes and dislikes.  I admitted to not liking onions.  He put his hand up to give me a high 5.  I wasn’t sure what he was doing at first.  Apparently he agreed with me and does not like onions either.   We also talked about sports, work, family, and we had an interesting conversation about hording.  He complemented me on my storytelling.  I am a pretty animated speaker.  I try.  

December #3 is also 6 foot 4.   Yeah, he is over a foot taller than me.  He has broad shoulders and is athletic but more like a football blockers body type.  He also played football and basketball in school and even played against my high school.  So we know some of the same people. 

We sat inside the restaurant talking for a while after dinner.  The waitress put the check down right in front of me and he grabbed it.  He picked up the check and playfully called me a cheap date.  We talked about other things we could do next.  I thought about my earlier conversation with my friend and almost wanted to suggest going to get ice cream cones.  Except for the fact that it is winter and kind of cold outside. 

We left the restaurant.  He walked me to my car and we hugged goodbye.  He asked about going out again and I suggested next weekend.  He sent me a text later saying that he hoped I made it home safely and that he had a really good time tonight.  I guess the ability to text makes it easier to not wait to communicate. 

Merry Christmas and happy reunion

Merry Christmas!!! I hope that everyone had an amazing holiday filled with holiday cheer and good people. 

To me one of the best things about the holidays is getting  together with old friends.  My friend Elizabeth is fantastic at organizing group events.  She really brings people together.

A few days before Christmas, Elizabeth organized a group reunion.  Some old friends were home for the holidays and it had been awhile.  They are Elizabeth's friends from way back in elementary school and I met them all in high school.  They are also all male.  One of the boys chose the restaurant/bar Tilted Kilt. 

The Tilted Kilt is more like a  breastraunt  where all the servers are female and wearing a short skirt and tiny almost a shirt that is lowcut and middrift showing.  A few of the servers are hot.  As a chick I can appreciate that a few of the girls are gorgouse.......but others are not.  The beer is pretty good. 

It was great to catch up with everyone.  We also talked quite a bit about dating.....such an interesting topic to me.  It was great to hear their boy perspective.   One of the guys openly admitted to online dating using OKCupid.   He also told me he reads my blog......I LOVE IT!!!! So I think because he knows I do he felt more open to admitting it. 

We shared first date stories.  He shared a hilarious story that I am going to share it with you and I hope he doesn't mind.  I don't think he will. 

Just so you know, he is an attractive man (I think he is 1/2 japanese and 1/2 white) and athletic.  He has a very friendly smile and is easy going.  He has a somewhat odd schedule with work which I am sure makes dating harder.  He is also multilingual.  He speaks quite a few different languages.  He shared a hilarious story about using the language to pick up girls.  I find it quite brilliant and creative.  While in a bar in a different country he would approach an attractive girl.  He would tell her that his friend had taught him to say a phrase in the native language such as, "you are very beautiful" or "I would like to order a beer please".  He would then say a totally different funny yet inappropriate phrase in the native language.  I wish I could remember the translation.  Sorry.  The girls would giggle and then correct him thus breaking the ice with a cute chick.  BRILLIANT.

Ohh yeah.  Today my practice of never saving phone numbers in my phone bit me in the ass.   I got a nice friendly text wishing me a Merry Christmas.  The text even specifically used my name and it was spelled correctly.   I recognized the number and past text messages.  It was from August.   I can remember so many details about August but I could not remember his name.  Eeks. 
What is that vitamin for you memory?  I think I should start taking it.  I hope I remember to take it. 

Anyways, Merry  Christmas!!! 

Holly Crap....It is a small world.

Ohhhh Crap!   So tonight I went with my friend to this amazing storyteller show at the Hollywood Improv.  It’s a once a month show where all the comedians tell stories based around one theme. Ari Ahaffir who is a hilarious storyteller puts the show together.  My friend and I try to go every month. I would totally recommend it to everyone. The show always has a great line up and is only $5.  Seriously a bargain!!!

Tonight’s theme was Holidaze.  It was a really good show with some great comedians including Joey Diaz, Sean Patton, and a whole bunch of others.  I even ended up winning the shows poster that is signed by all the comedians in the show.  So yeah…..its been a fantastic start to Tuesday night. 

After the show my friend and I decided to go to a bar and get a drink/chill.  I am on winter break so I don’t have to work tomorrow.  Yeah!!!  We decide to go to this chill bar near home. 

We get there and I grabbed a table.  Then I see this familiar face walking toward the table next to us.  It took a second for it to click but, oh yeah, I had managed to run into December #1.  He walked over and said hello but then somehow asked why I was there.  Not in a rude way just almost confused and curious.  We had text a bit earlier in the day and he knew I had mentioned that I was going to the comedy show.  He said he was going to hang out with his brother.  I introduced him to my friend and said that the show ended and we decided to get a drink.  He seemed to think that I knew he would be there with his brother.  I did not.  So great now he thinks I am a crazy stalker.   We talked for a minute then he said he was going over to his table.  Yeah right next to ours.   Crap!!  Why did I pick that table?  Of all the empty tables….why did I pick that one? 

When he got up to leave he did walk over and say good-bye.  He shook my friends hand and gave me a quick awkward hug.  He never introduced his brother or the girl that was with them.  I think she is his brother’s wife or girlfriend.  Whatever!  I look like a crazy stalker and he was a little rude for not introducing us.   Soo Boo on the end of Tuesday night. 

Date of the Month-December #2 Monday night dinner/drinks

I met December # 2 on OkCupid.   I know, Big surprise right!  December # 2 and I had been emailing for months.  I think the first email was in September.   He is originally from Michigan and went to school in Santa Barbara. He moved back and forth a few times but has now been living here for around 2 years.  He is going back to Michigan for Christmas/New years but asked me out and we decided to meet up before the trip. We arranged to meet at the Blue Dog Beer Tavern in Sherman Oaks.  I had never been there before and it is a really cute place.  We quickly hugged but it wasn’t awkward.  He was cuter in person than in a few of his pictures. 

The Blue Dog Beer Tavern has all these fun beers and a lot of them are from California breweries.  The waitress was super fun and friendly.  She told me I look like Patricia Arquette.   I had to google her.  Do I look like her? 

December # 2 was easy to talk to.  We talked about traveling, growing up in Michigan, and our families and friends.  We also talked about sports.  He used to wrestle.  Huhh.  That is an interesting sport.  The uniform itself is just odd to me.   We talked about movies.  He admitted to liking Hangover 2…..not sure why he actually liked it but I wont hold it against him.  We talked about work and doing thing that make a difference in the world and contribute to society. 

After dinner we decided to walk to Starbucks.  He was really good about holding open doors and other chivalrous things.  We held hands briefly and sat at Starbucks talking for another hour.  He walked me to my car and he kissed me good night.   It was a nice kiss.

So now I am feeling guilty that I didn’t tell December # 2 that I had a date the night before but I am also thinking maybe is was stupid to tell December # 1 about the other date.   CRAP!!!!

Any thoughts?

Date of the Month-December #1 Sunday Night Dinner

December is a busy month.  I actually have two December dates lined up back to back.  I did not intentionally do that.  It just kind of happened.  I feel like such a serial dater.  

I met December #1 on OKCupid. He doesn’t live far from me and we actually have similar hangouts.   We had been emailing for a little while before exchanging numbers and then just talked by text.  He asked me out and then picked a spot closer to me.  We arranged location and time via text.  Yes a bit impersonal but efficient. 

He picked this really cute mom and pop restaurant.  Even thought it is not far from my house I had actually never been before.  I was excited to go.  I met December in the waiting area of the restaurant.  I walked up and we very awkwardly hugged.   We sat down at the table and made slightly awkward small talk about the menu. Rough Start. 

December #1 is 5’10 and Middle Eastern/Eastern European decent.  Interesting mix. He is very attractive and has a nice smile.  And after the initial rough start he is really easy to talk to.  Our conversation flowed easily and casually.  We did end up talking about a few of the things you are not supposed to talk about on a first date…. religion and politics.  December #1 is catholic and does attend church but he is very relaxed about it.  He is also very close to his family.  

We covered serious topics but also had silly banter about dancing and the show dance mom.  We talked about traveling.  There were a few common experiences that we talked about.  We have both gone white water rafting in the South Fork American River and both taken cruises to Alaska and Mexico.  He lived in Australia for a few years and I traveled there and loved it.  I can’t even remember all the topics we talked about.  The conversation was so easy. 

We left the restaurant and ended up standing outside in the cold talking for at least another 30 minutes. December #1 speaks Syrian and some French.  He started sharing different silly phrases he knew.

While we were talking outside he would stand closer to me at moments then farther away. He was so cute imitating a French accent and using stereotypical French gestures.  I actually wanted to kiss him at moments. 

We also talked about flying.  Apparently he has the same name as someone on the no fly list so every time he flies he get extra screenings.  I was really impressed with his great attitude about the whole thing.  He wasn’t annoyed or irritated at the process or extra attention.  He had some funny stories to share about it.  

It was getting cold so we ended up sitting in his car and talking for another hour.  He did kiss me.  I love that moment before a first kiss.  The anticipation is so exciting.   After he kissed me he asked what my opinion of kissing on a first date was.  Ya know, that was a really good question.  I enjoy kissing.  We ended up kissing quite a bit.  That was also really easy with him. 

He asked about going out again. I started listing attributes I liked about him.  I said he was intelligent, that he makes me laugh, that is nice that he is close with his family. 

I asked him to then tell me what he liked about me….

He said I was maternal……eeks.   I thought maybe I should tell him I am not sold on the whole idea of having kids but that didn’t seem like first date material.  He explained what he meant a bit and said that I am caring and very considerate.  Why couldn’t he just say that in the first place.  Ahh well.  Maybe I am maternal.  He said I am passionate and attractive, and intelligent.  Go me. 

We talked about dating/past relationships.  Well he talked about his past relationships.  I wasn’t to up front.  If he asked a question I would answer but I am not volunteering info.  He has an interesting dating history. 

Since he asked about going out again/seeing people I wanted to be honest.  I told him that I had a date the next night.  He seemed to up his game a bit and asked a few questions about where and what.  He told me if I was still around at nine I should call him and we could meet up for frozen yogurt.

He asked what my last name was so I wouldn’t be saved as

jaymie ok c anymore. I have not saved his number….it always seems like when I save a guys number in my phone things don’t work out.  Maybe that is a silly superstition.  

I am now a little worried that he will google search my name and this blog will come up.  Eeeks.  I am not sure how a guy would react to knowing that I shared my thoughts about the date on the World Wide Web.

Our date was 6 hours long but it seemed to pass really quick.  I would like to see him again but please don’t ask when the second date is.……it just makes me nervous.  The whole point of this challenge was to take the pressure out of dating.  But maybe that is an impossible idea. 

Tis' the Season

The holiday season is in full swing and with it comes holiday parties and family gatherings.    Being single though the holidays can be both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, holiday parties are a great place to meet cute single guys.   I dont have to stress over finding the perfect gift for my guy because I dont have a guy. 

But on the other hand holiday parties can suck and ,well,  I dont have a guy.  Holiday parties also have the potential of being ruled by couples.  As a single lady I can only handle seeing so many couples kiss under mistletoe.  Oh and by the way, mistletoe is a parasite that grows on trees and basically feeds off of the tree.  Just because someone has cut it down and tied a little red bow around it does not change the fact that it is a parasite. 

I was reading this Cosmo article about being single for the holidays.   The article mentioned that fact that many single women dislike being single for the holidays and try to stretch out a bad relationship or call up an ex and try to rekindle the past.  While reading the article I was trying to wrack my brain to see if I had ever been guilty of those crimes.  And well I just don't remember.......but I did remember something that happened to a good guy friend of mine.  For the past 3 years almost like clockwork between Thanksgiving and Christmas, my friend will get a text from his ex-girlfriend.  The text messages are not sent just to be friendly.  They always practically beg him to get back together. 

I think the worst part of the holiday season for many people is the midnight kiss on New Years Eve. It is depicted on TV and movies to be so romantic.  While it would be nice to get a kiss that left you feeling weak in the knees NYE, real life just isn't like it is in the movies.   I always surround myself with good friends and usually a fair amount of alcohol. 

A Response

So I did end up hearing back from November.  Five days after I sent the message.  In truth, I think he wrote me back as soon as he got the message.  Another wonderful feature of OKCupid is that you can be a crazy stalker and see when the person was last online.  I did get nosy a few times and look.

Just to refresh your memory….. I decided to send November an email requesting feedback. Our date had gone well.  I wasn’t that into him.  But when it became evident that he wasn’t into me I wanted to know why.  I wanted some feedback. 

His message apologized for the late reply. The message basically said he isn’t sure he wants to be in a relationship right now. He did say that he would hang out with me again but then said, “not sure if I want to date, and not just you, just anyone right now” 

My first thought was, why are you on a dating site if you are not sure you want to date?  Then I started to think that he might just be looking or hoping to find some casual sex.  So I went back to his profile and looked at his answer to the question about what I’m looking for. This is what he put.

• Ages 25–42
• Near me
• Who are single
• For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners, long-distance penpals, casual ses

Notice the large age span and the fact that casual sex is clearly there. So that kind of leads me to conclude that he isn’t picky with the pussy.  He will accept any casual sex he can get and is quite fond of varietal vag.  Elizabeth my genius friend helped me come up with the second alliteration. 

Work always gets in the way of something....

I know we have all heard the expression, “Work always gets in the way of a good time.” My friend actually used it today on her facebook profile. I have used the expression sarcastically with my students.

 If you didn’t already know, I am a special education teacher. I work with high school students that have moderate to severe cognitive disabilities. I love my job.  I love my students. I love that I have less that two weeks left of work and then three magical weeks off.

Today, I went to training at the district office. I was my looking around the room of about 25 people and noticed that 24 of them were women. The only man in the room was another teacher from my campus. He is a nice guy and really funny and is married with a few kids.

Sitting in the training reminded me of my teacher prep program, again, predominantly women. Then I started thinking about the staff at the school I work at now and other campuses I have worked with. Yep, you guessed it, predominantly women.   So maybe in my case, “work always gets in the way of meeting eligible men.”

A new member/Blog to read

Elizabeth, one of my BFFs and my Date of the Month "enforcer" just started her very own blog.  You can find it http://dobsdateofthemonth.blogspot.com/2012/11/date-of-month.html


Elizabeth decided to join me on the Date of the Month Challenge after I harassed her.  I can be very convincing.  Her brother Paul is also joining us.  Paul is a personal trainer in San Diego and has a ripped ass body.  Once Elizabeth went to pick him up at the gym he worked at.  While waiting she started taking in the gorgeous view of muscular toned men and then accidentally checked out her own brother.  Yeah, I laughed out loud too.  In her defense, she hadn't seen him in months and his back was to her.  Anyways, Paul already had a busy social calendar but is participating with us.  Maybe Elizabeth can share some of his stories on her blog.



Elizabeth describes herself as sassy, witty, smart, apolitically correct.  I read her blog.  It is HILARIOUS and she has had some interesting dates.  So GO read about VD guy.  It is a funny story. 

Oh also last night, Elizabeth read my OKCupid profile and "approved my message".  So I guess I have adequately and appropriately marketed myself.   SWEET!!!  

Feedback........maybe???

I truly believe that first dates are like interviewing for a job.  As I mentioned in the previous post, both first dates and interviews require a great deal of preparation to put your best face forward and make a good impression.  Both often make you nervous and include many different questions about yourself and past experiences.  

Another huge similarity that I feel I must point out is that you often leave both situations feeling like you "nailed it" (and no I am not referring to sex) but then later find out that you were not selected.  This often leaves a person feeling confused and rejected.  And we all know that feeling sucks.   

Unfortunately with both of these situations feedback is never given so you can try to improve yourself and correct possibly small errors.   BOOOO!!!  
It doesn’t seem fair.  So I decided to face this injustice head on.  It appears that November just isn’t that into me.   It’s ok.  I can’t really say that I was that into him either. I didn’t have anything to win or lose so I decided to seek out some feedback from him.

I sent November a message on OKCupid telling him that I enjoyed meeting him but that it seems like he is just not that in to me.  I assured him that I was ok and not crying myself to sleep every night. I then shared my comparison between dating and job interviews and asked him why he wasn’t into me.   I suggested a few possibilities and encouraged him to be blatantly honest. 

Maybe I will get some feedback……..I will keep you posted.

My road to wisdom

I believe I have a pretty good sense of self worth and self esteem.  
I know there are "plenty of fish in the sea" and I have faith that someday my prince will come.  
 
I was not always this wise.  I have on more occasions than I would like to admit freaked out that HE didn't call. I called all my girl friends to cry to them over this injustice and ask them over and over again why??  Looking back I can also remember one particular drunken night I went a bit crazy and paged this guy I was really into repeatedly.  What it was the late 90's before cells phones. I left at least 5 long drunken messages declaring my love for him. I ended up leaving at least 5 messages, maybe even more, because his pager voicemail system kept cutting me off.  Why didnt my friend stop me???  About 10 years later I saw him at a Halloween party .......I wasn't sure he remembered or recognized me but, I avoided eye contact.  

It took many years but I finally grew wiser and learned that maybe he's just not that into me.  And that's ok.  I had made significant steps toward understanding this even before I read the book. 

But the book is fantastic.......way better than the movie.  I included the review from amazon.com for anyone that has never read the book.  I adds a lot of humor to the truth. 

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze and obsess over the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that—despite good intentions—it’s an utter waste of time. Men are not complicated, although they’d like women to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. The truth may be: He’s just not that into you.
Straightforward and sensible, He’s Just Not That Into You educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Dating Analogies

During my dating lifetime I have heard many different dating analogies.
Such as.....

-Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken.

and

-Finding the right man is like finding the perfect pair of shoes. You have to try several shoes out until you find the one that fits just right.

These analogies may have elements of truth to them but dating is also a lot like interviewing for a job. Both require a great deal of preparation to put your best face forward and make a good impression, often make you nervous, and include many different questions about yourself and past experiences.  

I also used to think dating is like fishing.  In order to catch a fish or a date you need to get yourself out there and wait for something to catch on your line.  You want to catch the prettiest fish in your pond. Dating can be very slippery and some guys are just slimy. 

But maybe dating is more like house hunting.  The good ones are not on the market for long, it is time consuming, and hard to find the perfect model that takes into account all your “wants and needs”. 

 What do you think?

More info about November

I have gotten a lot of Facebook messages asking about a second date with November and commenting about chemistry.  I don't think that being comfortable around each other is the same as chemistry. I would say that November and I were both comfortable around each other.  Comfortable enough to talk openly. But I am not sure about a second date.  Maybe.

I did remember one detail I forgot to include in the previous post. November and I were talking about traveling and then Amsterdam. I had traveled through Amsterdam a few years ago.  I have some crazy stories about that wonderful and crazy place.  Talking about Amsterdam and the Red Light District led to a discussion about prostitution.  November said he thought prostitution should be legal in the US because it happens anyways. I disagreed and said I just couldn't agree. I said, "I just don't think it is OK to pay for sex." He then made a reference to all guys paying for sex by paying for dates.  I ignored that comment and made another comment about Amsterdam.  

Believing prostitution should be legal and the other terrible comparison isn't a deal breaker but it does make me wonder about his stance on other issues.  

Date of the Month-November Sunday Night Football/Drinks

So I did manage to find my November.  I met him on OKCupid.  He is 31 originally from somewhere in Florida.  He was in the Navy for like 8 years and has lived in quite a few different US cities.  He is now in Burbank and going to film school.  We emailed back and forth a bit and then he asked about meeting up for coffee or drinks.  My weekends have been extremely busy lately but I have all week off for Thanksgiving so I suggested Sunday night.

He drove up to meet me and we actually arrived within minutes of each other.  We hugged and I noticed he was only about 5'5 or 5'6.  I seem to only be dating shorter guys.  Good thing I don't usually wear high heels.  

I picked this chill restaurant/bar.  The restaurant has TVs set up around the room with different sports playing.  I figured it would offer some entertainment but I had forgotten how loud it can get especially with Sunday Night Football.  OPPS!  

We ended up sitting on the patio so it wouldn't be as loud.  November has brown hair and brown.  He is attractive and has a really nice smile.  He looks approachable and friendly.  I noticed some similarities between November and one of my best guy friends which might be why I felt pretty relaxed.  The date didn't have the first date interview question feel.   

November is a bit sarcastic with the sense of humor where you are not sure if what is being said is truthful.  I am pretty good at rolling with it so when he said something I wasn't sure was the truth I just added more detail to his story.  

We talked about family, traveling, sports, family, bad dates/dating, and other countless topics.  He was easy to talk to and a bit flirty.  Nothing over the top but I still enjoyed the attention.  The night actually passed quickly.  When the bill came he picked up the check. I did offer.  

We left and November walked me to my car.  I love that moment right before a first kiss, when you know the other person wants to kiss you but hasn't fully initiated it.  There is this excitement in the air and a tenderness about it.  So November did kiss me goodnight.  It was sweet.  

It is actually easier to kiss someone close to your height.  I guess I have to keep dating shorter guys.

Moment of Clarity

I, like many other people, do not always take my own advice.  I am still Facebook friends with the last guy I dated.  Yeah, I know!!  I can hear my voice telling other people to delete their exes but I just didnt click the button to hit delete.   I don't snoop or anything.....OK Fine.  I do once in a while.

The other day I saw his posting on my news feed.  He was posting something about being with some girl.  He had some cheesy rhyme for her name.  And yes I clicked on her profile.  She is this cute black chick.  So I am stuck between being a little sad that he is posting about being with this chick and a little peeved by the rhyme.  

I also read the comments and noticed with shock and dismay that she refereed to him as "daddy" in her comment.   I could now hear the whinny voice of the black actress from the movie Couples Retreat.  You know the one, with Vince Vaughn.  The black guy is recently divorced and brings his annoyingly whinny girl friend with him and she calls him, "Daddy".  

EWWWW!!!! I could feel my gag reflex and stomach churn.  I don't mean to offend anyone reading that might have referred to their man as "daddy" but I strongly dislike that.  I also at the moment had the best moment of clarity.   The moment where you know you are 100% over someone.  

I would not be into dating a guy that liked being called, "Daddy" by their girlfriend.  And well, if he is into that kind of woman......it is definitely NOT me. 

See, maybe it is a good thing that I don't listen to my own advice.  

 

Saturday Night

I spend twenty minutes on my make-up on Saturday night.  I use Bare Essentials and opted for the color Soul Sister, a fantastic purple and True Gold.  I have green eyes so the purple and gold make them pop.

My dad once told me that I am single because I don't wear enough make-up.   I thought maybe he could be on to something and it wouldn't hurt to test this idea.  So I invested in Bare Essentials.  I have now invested a LOT. Some people would say I almost have too much make-up.  So moral of that tangent, Dad was wrong.  Thanks Dad, Now I'm poor and Single.  At least I have so many pretty colors.

Anyways back to Saturday Night.  My make-up was awesome, hair was flat ironed,  and my roast was written.  I was ready.  

My sister and I arrived and mingled.  It was nice to see some familiar faces.......but my old crush was not one of them.  He wasn't there and didn't end up making it.

Ahhh well.....my roast to R went well.

Old Crushes........never end

So some of you may know that I do Stand-Up comedy as a hobby.   My material is all about me, my life, and the people in my life.  Much like this blog I am a little ego centric.  I think I am pretty funny. Although my grandmother said I was "too crude" for her.  Or maybe she is just a little too prude in her advanced age.  Whatever, I think I am funny.

D, a long time family friend called me the other week.  She is throwing a party for her husband, R's 60th birthday and was looking to throw some comedy in the mix.  She asked me if I would do it.  Of course I said yes.  I  need something to feed my ego.  I agreed to Emcee the event and write a roast for R and also set up another comedian to perform as well.

D and R have five children. Their sons is best friends with my old high school crush.  I "loved" my high school crush from freshman year all the way through to my senior year.  We did not have any classes together or really talk more than a few times.  Yes, I understand that my crush was completely ridiculous but I remember telling my friends that I wanted him delivered to my front door on a silver platter with a big red bow.  What can I say, I have a rich fantasy and very creative imagination.  

So while talking to D I learned that he will be there.  I instantly felt myself  shrink back to my high school self.  Ahhhhh.  I had butterflies in my stomach and felt my self esteem meter drop quite a bit.
Crap.  I hope my admitting this reaction to myself and all of you that  I can  bring myself back to my current self-a sarcastic bad ass with pretty good sense of self esteem.

I don't know if I am hoping he is now ugly so I don't get all weak in the knees stupid or that he is still gorgeous so at least I have something fun to look at.

I know that I have to be charming and amusing.  I can not be thrown off.  My Roast WILL be funny.
Ohh crap.  I hope he doesn't make me nervous!!!  

So you actually have to go out..... to meet people

I love my new job.  The people are great.  The kids are sweet.  But work is exhausting.   I am so glad my plans for Friday fell through.   I was an awesome supportive teacher and went to about 10 minutes of the Homecoming game.  A few of my students were participating in the events.  So I went.

I got home and was asleep by 8:30.  The only man I met was Astronaut Mike Dexter and that was in my dreams.  Maybe I should stop watching episodes of 30 Rock on Neflix before bed.  The point is that although I got a lot of much needed sleep I didnt meet anyone. 

Saturday I went out with my new coteacher.  She is awesome so I am just going to refer to her as Mrs. A.  Around my second day on the job I met Mrs. A's husband.    WOW!!! All I can say is OHHH DAMN!!!  He is a really attractive man.  She knows how to pick them.....maybe she can pick me a man. 
 
Mrs A and I went to her friends live show in Siverlake.  Her friend is an amazing voice over artist and performer.  A bunch of different comedy writers that she know wrote her a show and quite fitting the show is called My Friends Wrote Me a Show.  The show was brilliant.  So funny and witty.  She is a great performer.  Her name is Paige King.  Maybe you have heard of her? 

So here I am out and about.  There were a few attractive guys at the restaurant bar where the show was.  They were cute and I am pretty sure they were gay.  NARDS.....yeah I really need to stop watching 30 Rock.   Anyways, So now I realize you have to a) go out and b) go to a place populated by more straight men.  So Mrs. A did not pick me a man........maybe she will next time. 

Sunday night my friend was performing at Flappers Comedy Club.  It was his first show and I was so so excited to see him.  He is also my hairstylist.........NO he is not gay.  He just happens to be a male straight hairstylist and I love him.    A lot of people turned up for the show.  Apparently a lot of people love Josh.

The good news is the show was great.  Josh did fantastic.  If he was nervous he hid it so well. I also met many of Josh's friends.  And a few friends of friends.  Mostly women.  But really interesting and fun women.  I guess a hairstylist would have mostly female friends. 

I need a ruling....Speed Dating....Date or Not???

I need a ruling........ Would a speed dating event count as a Date of the Month?

I am slightly obsessed with Groupon and recently saw a deal for a speed dating event in LA.  So I started to wonder if that could count as a date of the month.

Speed would would be like 8 to 10 mini dates.  Does that add up to the date of the month?

A friend of mine recently told me that she wanted me to fail at least one month in the date of the month challenge.   It isn’t out of spite or anything and she said it in a loving way.  She just wants to read about my possible humiliation and cringe with me as I make my way through the penalties. I am a pretty outgoing person but the consequence for missing a month go WAY out of my comfort zone.   

For those of you that are not familiar with the consequences I will refresh your memory.  

If I fail to go out with someone in a calendar month I am subject to the penalties, which include:

 A bit of social shame from my supportive friends who are also participating in the Date of the Month.

When out on a group event, my friends get to pick a man (the target) which I must approach and talk to as well as fulfill the second challenge of asking him out. 
      -If the target says “Yes”, I must go on the date.

3)  In the event of the target saying “No”, my friends get to select a secondary target that I must approach, talk to, and ask out. 
   -If the secondary target says “Yes”, I must go on the date.

4)  If the secondary target says “No”, the punishment is over.
     I really hope my friends buy me a pity drink. 

Yep, that is way out of my comfort zone.  In the event that I fail to find a date of the month I am sure my friends would survey the surroundings and choose an acceptable target.  I know they are not going to pick someone who looks like an ass or is obviously unapproachable.  At least I hope they don’t.  But maybe they would just to watch me cringe even more.  I will have to remember to not piss them off the week before.  I also have the idea of winning pretty deeply engrained in my head.  I do not like to fail. 

So would a speed dating event count for the month so I don’t have to face the other consequences?  The other problem is that the speed-dating event might end up being worse.   Eeks!!! 

Whoring it up for Halloween

I love Halloween.  It is my absolute favorite Holiday.  I love the creative costumes and the fun energy that this holidays brings with it.  Ohh and there is tons of hot guysso thats a plus.

As I am sure you have noticed, Halloween is also many peoples excuse to be as naked as possible.  It is the one time of the year that it is ok to whore it up.  A few years ago it was only the girls that partook in this ritual but this year I was both impressed and then other times horrified to see that the guys had joined in on the almost naked Halloween.  There were a few naked superheros.  I will tell you more about one particular superhero later.  The was also this naked boxer......but I tried to divert my gaze when he walked by.  Not a pretty sight. 

Getting back to whoring it up for Halloween.  I will not pretend I am above using this wonderful holiday to show a little more skin.  I have and will probably do so again.  I do however like to be creative about it.  In past years I have made up my own casino game called Tit-Le-Wings.  Where I had a plastic wine class between my breasts and the object was to aim well enough to get the flat plastic chip in the cup.  I had a few people play and win.

Last night my friend and I went to Miss Kitty's Halloween party and the Dragonfly in Hollywood.  I was feeling particularly blah about going out.  It took a lot of finesse from Kaitlin for me to get pumped.     I was also feeling particularly modest.  I decided to borrow an apron I had made for my sister and grabbed an old and unused vibrator that I had and be a dissatisfied housewife.  The toy I brought with me is called Chocolate Thunder and it is HUGE.  It is easily 9 inches long and well, very intimidating. 

You are probably wondering why in the world would I have unused sex toys just laying round.   Well, see back in my early 20's I was a consultant for a company and sold sex toys and other intimate items.  Think of Tupperware but wayyyyyy more fun. 

My costume was a hit.  The fact that I had a big black dick in my hand led to getting hit on by the black bouncer and a sexy black guy.  The sexy black guy is a personal trainer.   He bought me a drink.  It has been a long time since a sexy stranger bought me a drink.  Maybe I should carry a big black dick around more often.......No that would just be wierd.

At one point of the night one of the naked superheros walked by our group.  The superhero was wearing a mask, a cap, and his junk was in a banana hammock.  He had a nice body and a nice smile. One of my friends asked him if his junk was real.  He informed her it was and suggested she feel it.  She is married and would not but instantly turned to me and suggested I feel it.  Whatever!!!  I was a little tipsy.  So I did.   It was real.  Chocolate Thunder is bigger.   I then said, "That is the most action I have gotten in awhile." My friends and I laughed.   Superhero apparently thought my comment meant he should zone in on me and  up his game.  Just so you know.....that isnt what I meant.  He got all touchy feely.  He was a cute naked man-whore but NO.

Later in the night my friend and I stated talking to 2 guys.  They were genuinely nice and interesting.  I thought one of them was cute.  He seemed like a genuine good guy.  We all chatted for awhile then my friend wanted to go inside with the rest of our group.  

The rest of the night was spent dancing and watching a few of the shows they had going on.  The night started to wind down.  I saw the cute guy from earlier and decided to do something brave and out of character.  I walked up to him and said hello then said that I wanted to give him my number so maybe we could get together and do something sometime.  He texted me later that night. Not a booty call or anything creepy like that. 

I am a little impressed by myself  but also wondering is I came off as too forward. 

OKCupid........................ more like OKStupid

I am getting really burned out on the whole internet dating.  Part of that could be because I just started an amazing new job that I love and have less free time to goof around on the internet. 

The other part is internet dating has just not been working for me.  Let me tell you about some of the winners that I have seen online or been contacted by.

 Guy #1

I received a nice friendly yet short message from this guy so I decided to write back.  I asked him how his night was going.  He responded within minutes.  His message said, "it wasnt amazing like id hoped it would be but your definately helping make it shine even if its dark out."  He went on to tell me that I was utterly beautiful. 
Kinda creepy, right, and a bit desperate.  He tried to make plans but I was not interested.

Guy #2

This guy and I exchanged quite a few emails.  He started using pet names way to soon.  He would call me sweetheart or hun.  I just dont like it.  It creates a false sense of intimacy.  I dont like it.

Guy #3

I got a short  email from this guy with a compliment.  The message said, I like that picture of you in front of the castle.  I took some time to travel and I put some of the pictures on my profile.  That picture is of me in front of the Taj Mahal. 

Guy # 4, 5, and 6

Random emails from guys in India.  Really, just because I traveled to your country once does not mean I want to chat with you.  One of the messages said, "Hey sexy.  You single?  Men around blind or dumb?"  

Guy #7

This guy used his OKCupid profile to preach about the government and his conspiracy theories.  He also talked about having visions of events.  He sounds all crazy and then get pretentious and talks about yachting.   He continued to spew his bullshit about how corrupt the world is.   He had a picture of his toilet.  He had drawn a picture on the lid.  Crazy!!!!

Guy #8
His screen name was CUMPLAY69.    REALLY!!! WTF!!!!!

Guy #9
I got an instant message from this guy.  We exchanged initial greetings and then he say "Nice tits"  He is observant. 

Guy #10, 11, 12
Random offers of sex.  No thanks.  Not interested.

So I think in order to keep my sanity I am going to take a break from online dating.  I am still committed to my date of the month but am going to need to pursue other ways of meeting guys.

Anyone have a friend or family member you think I would be interested in????  Maybe???? 

Crazy Exes

I think of myself as a very rational person.  I understand that relationships end sometimes and an appropriately sad by it.  I have NEVER been a crazy ex.

I have NEVER driven past an ex's house just to see if he was home.
I have NEVER purposely stayed in contact with an ex's friends or family so that I could snoop for information about the ex.
I have NEVER parked my car across the street from an ex's home or work to spy on him.
I have NEVER called from a blocked number hoping that the ex would answer.
I have NEVER changed my number and called an ex hoping that he would answer and we could talk.
I have NEVER damaged an ex's property  (keying his car or egging his house.)
I have NEVER drunk dialed exes.....mostly because I have very good observant friends that thankfully stopped me.
I have NEVER purposely gone to places I know an ex went to.
I have NEVER tried to date an ex's friend in an attempt to make him jealous.
and
I have NEVER posted crazy status updates on Facebook about the ex or breaking up.



Ya know what, some of those things sound like fun.  I am not crazy.  I just think it would be kinda fun to do some old school pranks (nothing destructive.... I am not crazy or mean)
....like order 10 pizzas to be delivered to his house after driving by and confirmed he is there.
or maybe do a pretend drunk dial and say some crazy shit.   The good thing is you are not really drunk so you actually remember what you said.  You could make it seriously funny and come off really crazy and needy.  I wonder if I could be convincing enough.

I know that I would NEVER actually take the time to actually do either of them but it sounds like fun.

Maybe if I had first hand experience with a crazy ex I would feel differently.  I have never been on the receiving side of a crazy ex.  Don't get me wrong, I have met my fair share of crazies.    I just thankfully didn't date the crazies or give them anything more than my phone number.  I do have a great story about one crazy guy I met.  I will have to share later.


 I do have a few friends that have first hand knowledge.  I listen to their stories with a mix of amusement and horror.  They have exes that call years after they broke up  (usually around the holidays).  They have stories about exes driving past their house at 3:00 in the morning,  showing up without being invited to events they were going to be at, calling and begging them to get back together, threatening to hurt themselves, and other crazy shit.

 I know I have NEVER been the crazy ex in any ones story.  I guess I should be glad but I am having mixed feelings.   While it is always nice to be remembered, I guess it is better to be remembered as nice. 

Any thoughts?

How long does it take to get over someone?

So I have a habit of not deleting old voicemails and text messages.  I don’t know why.  Well tonight my voicemail inbox was full so I was forced to delete the messages.  I didn’t want to just delete all of the messages incase there was something important.  So I started listening to each message.  Then I can across the old messages from the guy I dated last. 

I really liked this guy.  I am just going to call him M.  I met M at a party at a friend’s house.  He had charisma and confidence.  I don’t even remember what we talked about but I remember thinking he was easy to talk to.  I felt comfortable around him.  I left the party before he did.  The next day my friend told me he asked about me.    So I Facebook stalked him.  

I sent him a message on Facebook and we started emailing.  After about a week of emails M asked me out.  We went miniature golfing and to lunch.  It was a really fun first date.  At the end of the date I gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  I remember wondering how long I should wait to text him.  He beat me to it.  I got a sweet text from him before I even made it home.  We went on a second date a few days later. 

We dated for about 4 months.  Things were amazing in the beginning but then…….I don’t know something shifted.  He was getting busy with work and making less of an effort to see each other. 

We got in a fight and I ended it because he lied to me.  It was over something stupid.  Funny enough I saw the lie on my facebook timeline.  One of his friends had checked him in a place on their status update.  I didn’t even have to stalk. 

That was in the begging of August.   Stupid things will remind me of him and I get a little sad.  I have also had a few random dreams that he was in.  It hasn’t happen recently. 

So tonight when I came across the old messages I should have just deleted them without listening.  I should have but of course..... I didn’t.   I listened to each one.  Some were really sweet. I actually almost cried over one particularly sweet message that included him giving me a detailed account of where he was on this trip he took.  He described everything and then said he missed me and wished I were there.   

Crap!!!!  How long does it actually take to get over someone?

Date of the month-October Saturday late lunch

I was feeling really lazy on Saturday afternoon.  It was one of those days that you just want to stay in pj’s and don’t even want to think about putting make-up on. But I had already agreed to a late lunch date with October.  So I dragged myself up and got ready.  He had wanted a sandwich place.  It sounded good…a nice low-pressure date. 

I like to talk to any guy I am going to go out with on the phone before we meet.  It is nice to hear their voice and get to know them a bit more.  October and I had only talked via email and text.  He seemed to prefer text and I just never found the time to call.  I kinda felt like I was going in blind.

We met in front of the deli.  He walked up and, damn, he is gorgeous black man.  Not that his ethnicity matters but just in case you were wondering.  He is around 5’11 with an athletic build and nice smile. 

I was thinking that I was glad I dragged myself up and did my makeup. He complimented me on my eyes which looked greener thanks to some fun makeup tricks.  I highly recommend Bare Essentials. 

We hugged quickly and talked for a few minutes before going inside. October seemed to have a good sense of humor. He held the door open to the restaurant.   We ordered at the counter and then he pulled back the chair for me to sit down……wow.    Chivalry is not dead. 

So we sit down and October asks me if I am religious.  Then he says, “Do you believe in god?”  Keep in mind that we are less then 10 minutes into the date and no I didn’t meet him on Christian Mingle or any other religious site. I did meet him on OKcupid. 

Isn’t religion one of the topics that are taboo to talk about on a first date?  What are the other taboo topics?  Politics? 

So I answered his questions.  I am not very religious and lean toward the agnostic side.  I am just not convinced either way and I don’t go to church. I am also enough of a feminist to strongly dislike the idea of a woman being subservient to her husband.  I learned that October is very religious and attends church on a regular basis.  There it is…..I found the thing that makes him wrong for me.  Too bad, he is cute. 

We continued talking.  I asked him how many siblings he has.  He vaguely said a few.  Then asked me about my siblings.  Yeah I didn’t let it go. He said he is in the middle.  Still vague…. I finally got a direct answer and it turns out he is one of 16.  All 16 are full siblings.  Yeah I was stunned too. 

At one point I said something about my dad.  He informed me that that was the first time I had said anything about my dad.  Apparently he was keeping track.  He said, “Before you mentioned him, I was wondering if you had father issues.”  Yep....that comment annoyed me.  I found that comment rude.  

October seemed to be enjoying himself.  He laughed at my jokes and kept looking at me with an intense look of interests.  It was both flattering and odd.  The look was something like the way you would look at a house you’re interested in but has some things you would want to change.  I am not a fixer-upper.