Sometimes I am too blunt for my own good

So I went out with A again today.  He text and asked me out on Wednesday.  I wasn't free until today.  So we made plans to go to LACMA.  It was his idea.  There is an exhibit that he really wanted to go see.  I drove us to the museum.  We had a really good day.  A is really affectionate.  Lots of hand holding and just general caring things. 

I do still notice lulls in our conversation.  They are not uncomfortable or awkward.  I actually feel really relaxed around him like I dont always have to be charming and amusing.  So I am just overall more calm around him.  I dont like the lulls in the conversation but maybe I make him nervous or maybe the fact that I am more calm makes me less chatty.

So after the museum I drove back to his place and suggested ordering a pizza.  We sat on his bed and then started making out.  It got pretty hot and heavy.   I also feel very comfortable with him in that aspect. 

So the pizza arrived and we ate while watching The Golden Globes.  Most of the TV shows and movies I had never seen.  we cuddled on the couch and he guessed who was going to win. 

I left when the award show was over.  So as I was driving home.  I started thinking about sex.  Well I know my mom reads this but ahh well.  So it has been 6 months since I had sex.  Yep 6 months.  Kinda sad. 

I mean there are great benefits of sex.  It helps releases anxiety and tension.  It releases endorphins that make you happy.  It helps your hair grow healthier.  Sex helps your skin glow.  See really good things.  Plus you get to have sex.  I miss all those things.  I want all those things.

I however do NOT want to have awkward sex.  The idea of that dries me up faster than I can even type this sentence.  

I also started thinking about how comfortable I feel around A.   So I text to ask him when the last time he had sex was.  He responded that it was a couple months ago.  Sad face to my 6 months mark.

He asked why I asked.  I responded that I was curious and then every so bluntly said,  "I think we should have sex."  I think I began holding my breath. 

He responded, "Oh lol."    Yeah that was definitely not the response I had expected.  He is a guy.  My cosmo magazine swears that his gender thinks about sex practically all day.  He was with me all day so theoretically he would have thought about sex with me at least half of the times that sex crossed his mind.  Did I also mention that we got a little hot and heavy with a fun make out session.  He is supposed to jump at the idea of sex.  His response sends me into panic mode and I no longer feel calm.

I text back, "Is that on your agenda? or no."  He does not respond right away.  I am up to my eyeballs in self doubt and fully annoyed at myself for even sending the message in the first place.  Yea, a full five minutes goes by and he texts, "yeah I'd just like to make sure it is what I am looking for in my future."  I think I could actually hear my typically high self esteem drop a notch.  I text back admitting that I am completely mortified now.

The sharp edge in my gut is twisted a bit when he responds.  He said, "I'm not trying to mortify you. I'm just trying to be honest.  I think you're really cool and i like hanging out with you."

Fuck My way to blunt for my own good Life.