It's official

Yep, It's official.   I FAILED!   I do not have a date of the month.  I did not meet a sexy man at Starbucks.  No, sparks flew.  No, eyes locked.   No, Mr. January for me.  Its a bummer.  January started so well and with such promise.  I hate starting the new year with a loss.

 I have a question.  I understand that my friends get to select a man for me to approach, talk to and ask out.  I understand that if he says no, they get to select another man for me to approach, talk to, and ask out.  My friends understand that if he says no then they owe me a few very strong drinks. So here is my question.  Do I at least get to select where we go?  And where should I pick?  A bar? and if so which bar?  A comedy club?  An improv show?  At least there I know we would have similar interest.
A park? A library?  Where?

Any thoughts?  Any suggestions...PLEASE HELP!!!

I also think that some things are unclear.  When I approach a guy, do I have to say, "do you want to go on a date?" or, "do you want to go out sometime" Or can I say something like, "we should hang out sometime?" Any thoughts?

So on a happy note.  My students won 2nd place at this basketball tournament.  It was this tournment that teamed special ed and general ed student together.  My students were amazing.  They did so great. One of the teachers had her student make posters for the team.  They went early an hung them up all over the gym.  She and many of the other teachers brought their classes to watch and showed amazing amounts of love and support.

Perpetually Positive and Openly Optimistic

I would normally consider myself a perpetually positive and openly optimistic person.  Ya know that question about how would your friends describe you.  I believe those are two of the adjectives they would use.  They would probably also say friendly.  Pretty good qualities, right.

Well, to be honest, I have not been feeling positive or optimisitic about dating or the more pressing issue is finding the Date of the Month for January.   Over the weekend I had breakfast with a few of my friends.  I expressed my feeling about my impeding failure in finding my date of the month.  At that time I had 5 days to find the mystery January.  My very supportive friends tried to get me to snap out of it.  They suggested using some positive statements and mantras.  In psychology you learn about the Self Actualizing Theory that basically says if you believe you can't....then you won't but if beleive that you can....you will.  My friends were trying to tell me to believe in myself.  Fair argument.......but I am NOT going to stand in front of a mirror saying things like, "I am worthy of finding a great man" or "I am someone's one and only".  Just can do it.  and now I only have two days before the end of the month.  I will take some of their advice and not let the idea of failure get me down.  I really am a very positive and optimistic person.  Who knows.....maybe tomorrow there will be a sexy man at Starbucks and our eyes will lock and sparks will fly while we wait for our lattes.  Maybe!

On a different note, before I had made the active decision to be more optimistic I received a text from a friend.  He is this guy I used to work with.  He is single and we flirted a bit but never went out.  He asked me about dating.  I admitted that I was feeling a bit defeated by the dating monster.  He responded saying, "I'd be happy with a fwb at this point."   If you are not sure what a fwb is, don't feel bad.  It took me a minute to figure it out.  fwb stands for friends with benefits.  I then text saying, "I don't want a fwb.   I do not want awkward sex."  I was channeling Dr. Seuss.  I should have followed that up with I do not want it here or there, I do not want it anywhere.  I do not like awkward sex.  

He was a bit insistent and text, "Fwb can work without being awkward."  I wished him luck on his hunt for a fwb.  He then informed me that he is not hunting.  So I text, "Well maybe a fwb will just fall on your dick.  Hopefully she falls gently."  He said, "You have quite an attitude tonight."  Yeah, I did.  He is observant.  So I text and asked, "Lol is that a compliment or just passive observation.  Yes, I am feeling very feisty."  He said it was just an observation but he liked the idea of a woman falling on his dick.  

Oh and check out the pen my mother and sister got for me......so thoughtful of them.  

My friends are so funny sometimes......

So lately I have the tendency to write down funny things that my friends say that relate to dating, being single, and sex.  I really wanted to share some of these.....

My friend posted this on Facebook awhile ago and I found it hilarious.....  

      Why do I have such horrible taste in men? I swear! There's no need for   

      drug sniffing dogs at airports and border check points. Just prop me up 
      to stand post. If our eyes lock and sparks fly and the very sight of him 
      sucks the breath out of my soul he's got substance issues.

Another single friend of mine recently said, "I have come to the conclusion that I am a prime number.  I am a 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9."   Let me explain.  

She is single so she is a 1.  As a fellow single lady I am also a 1.  This is her equivalent to the idea of a third wheel, a fifth wheel, and so on. 

She recently invited some friends to a few different events.  Those friends then included their boyfriends without double checking that that would be ok.  Within minutes she became a 3 and a 5.  More prime numbers.  She tried to see the humor in the situations.  

This one I found amusing.

Recently a male friend and I were out getting a drink.  We were talking about dating.  We were specifically talking about dating (that includes sex) when one person knows it will not go anywhere.  I asked why people just didn't break it off.   He said "Its like being on a sinking ship.  Your not just going to jump into the cold ocean.  Your going to stay on the ship and hope another (preferable more attractive) boat comes along. "   I said , "Well then my boat sunk. I am clinging to a bouy in the middle of the ocean just waiting for a lifeboat." 

Early one Sunday morning I received a text from a friend with this link to a you tube clip.  I clicked it, started watching the video, and laughed hysterically.  Then I was jealous.  I love her and was excited for her......but also a little sad for myself and jealous.   

 

New Years Resolutions.....Make-A-Wish

Many people make new years resolutions.  These resolutions are often forgotten or abandoned by March.  I am also guilty of this.  So I decided to come up with a Bucket List of different things I want to do/ accomplish.  I have been continually adding things to my list as I think of them.  There is no timeline for my bucket list.  Some I hope to check off this year while others will take longer to accomplish. 

After recent events I added -Date higher quality men to my list.  Other things on my list include –Travel to Boston, -Actually pay off a car, and –Perform stand up in another state.  While I cannot check off the one about dating higher quality men yet I did make steps toward accomplishing another one of the items on my Bucket List.  One of the first things I added to my list was –Volunteer for a worthy cause.  I decided on the Make-A-Wish Foundation and today I went to the orientation and training. 

In general I am feeling a little blah about dating.  So it was nice to focus some energy on something else.  At least with Make-A-Wish I can give some Hope, Strength, and Joy to a child suffering with a life threatening illness.   

I wish I could say that I wasn’t a little sad about the way things ended with A.  He has not contacted me in the last week and I sure as hell am not going to contact him again. One of my guy friends sent me a message on Facebook.  He reads this blog (wonder how many other guys do).  He is so smart said, “You did nothing wrong except be honest and vulnerable. That's brave and wonderful of you - don't beat yourself up for that because you don't deserve it.”   I really wish I could say that I took his advice but I can’t help it and beat myself up a bit.  Being vulnerable sucks.  

My friend, Kaitlin did offer to be my January date.  However the catch was that the date she planned would include going to see the scary movie, Mama.  In case you don’t know……I DO NOT like scary movies about ghosts, aliens, zombies, or any other supernatural freaky thing.  Once, I tried to watch the movie The Ring with Kaitlin.  I don’t even think I made it 20 minutes in before I was yelling at her to turn it off.  She thought it was HILLAROUS….but I was freaked out. 

Kaitlin, thanks but no thanks.  I think the idea of approaching, talking to, and asking out an attractive stranger freaks me out less than the idea of a scary movie.  

Random Thought

So today I had to appear in court to try to fight a speeding ticket I got WAY back in April.  The wheels of justice move slowly.  Anyways.  So I took the afternoon off work and arrived at the courthouse.  I saw one Highway Patrol officer in uniform and a few other men in suits. 

Once in the court, the bailiff does a roll call to see who is/ and is not there.  If the officer that gave you the ticket inst there then your dismissed.  The judge dismissed at least 10 people. 

Sadly, my guy showed up.    The highway patrol officer was the guy who gave me the ticket. 

I was sitting there feeling really jealous of the people getting dismissed and thinking about men/dating.   I spend so much energy wishing a great guy would show up  (I am still waiting).   The one time I wish a guy would not show up..........he is there early. 

Sometimes I am too blunt for my own good

So I went out with A again today.  He text and asked me out on Wednesday.  I wasn't free until today.  So we made plans to go to LACMA.  It was his idea.  There is an exhibit that he really wanted to go see.  I drove us to the museum.  We had a really good day.  A is really affectionate.  Lots of hand holding and just general caring things. 

I do still notice lulls in our conversation.  They are not uncomfortable or awkward.  I actually feel really relaxed around him like I dont always have to be charming and amusing.  So I am just overall more calm around him.  I dont like the lulls in the conversation but maybe I make him nervous or maybe the fact that I am more calm makes me less chatty.

So after the museum I drove back to his place and suggested ordering a pizza.  We sat on his bed and then started making out.  It got pretty hot and heavy.   I also feel very comfortable with him in that aspect. 

So the pizza arrived and we ate while watching The Golden Globes.  Most of the TV shows and movies I had never seen.  we cuddled on the couch and he guessed who was going to win. 

I left when the award show was over.  So as I was driving home.  I started thinking about sex.  Well I know my mom reads this but ahh well.  So it has been 6 months since I had sex.  Yep 6 months.  Kinda sad. 

I mean there are great benefits of sex.  It helps releases anxiety and tension.  It releases endorphins that make you happy.  It helps your hair grow healthier.  Sex helps your skin glow.  See really good things.  Plus you get to have sex.  I miss all those things.  I want all those things.

I however do NOT want to have awkward sex.  The idea of that dries me up faster than I can even type this sentence.  

I also started thinking about how comfortable I feel around A.   So I text to ask him when the last time he had sex was.  He responded that it was a couple months ago.  Sad face to my 6 months mark.

He asked why I asked.  I responded that I was curious and then every so bluntly said,  "I think we should have sex."  I think I began holding my breath. 

He responded, "Oh lol."    Yeah that was definitely not the response I had expected.  He is a guy.  My cosmo magazine swears that his gender thinks about sex practically all day.  He was with me all day so theoretically he would have thought about sex with me at least half of the times that sex crossed his mind.  Did I also mention that we got a little hot and heavy with a fun make out session.  He is supposed to jump at the idea of sex.  His response sends me into panic mode and I no longer feel calm.

I text back, "Is that on your agenda? or no."  He does not respond right away.  I am up to my eyeballs in self doubt and fully annoyed at myself for even sending the message in the first place.  Yea, a full five minutes goes by and he texts, "yeah I'd just like to make sure it is what I am looking for in my future."  I think I could actually hear my typically high self esteem drop a notch.  I text back admitting that I am completely mortified now.

The sharp edge in my gut is twisted a bit when he responds.  He said, "I'm not trying to mortify you. I'm just trying to be honest.  I think you're really cool and i like hanging out with you."

Fuck My way to blunt for my own good Life. 

2nd Second Date

As mentioned in the previous post I had two 2nd dates. January is going good. Saturday, I went out with December #2.  December # 2 is from Michigan and we had a nice first date at this restaurant/bar. To give him somewhat of a real identity and to make it easier to keep everyone straight I will just use his first initial which is A.

A few days after our first date, A left for Michigan to spend the holidays with his family. When we went out over the weekend it had been almost three weeks since our first date.  I realized the other day I have not talked to him on the phone for more than a few minutes but we do text almost everyday.  He even text me just after midnight (his time in Michigan) on New Years Eve.  I just looked back over my text messages and wow we text a lot.  He actually sent me a text while I was out with M.  In case you were wondering, I didn’t answer until the next day.  A is very thoughtful and sends texts asking about specific things I have mentioned or talked about.  He knew Monday was my first day back at work and sent me a text to ask how it was going.  I also told him that I have a collection of shot glasses and he brought me back on from Detroit. 

Anyways, so while he was still in Michigan we text about going out again. He suggested a movie and we had tentative plans.  I enjoy movies but don’t go very often. There wasn’t anything I really wanted to see so I suggested an improv show instead.  He had never been to an improv show and it sounded like a good idea with more opportunities to talk than in a movie.  He planned the first part of the date and we went to The Federal Bar.  It is a cute place.   A and I talked about his trip, the holidays, going back to work, improv, and tons of other odd topics.  I noticed that there is a few lulls in the conversation.  They were not uncomfortable and didn’t last for long before the conversation picked up.  I don’t know if its because maybe he makes me a little nervous or if despite having a million different things we can talk about…..we just couldn’t think of one quickly enough to transition without a pause taking place. 

After dinner we went to an improv show at IO.  He does all the chivalrous things like opening doors and walking on the outside of the street.  He also held my hand and seemed really comfortable around me.  When we sat down for the show he put his arm up on the back of the chair and around me.   We saw three different improv groups perform.  The shows were amusing at times and hilarious at other times.  A also really enjoyed it.  So yeah we also kissed….a lot.  It was fun.  Good times.  I really enjoy making out. 

I also wanted to add that I paid for the improv show and the parking in Hollywood (for once I actually had cash.)  I only want to point this out because I know I have shared my thoughts on a man paying for the date.  While I fully appreciate and like it when he pays I also believe it is only fair to reciprocate the generosity and not take advantage of someone. 

1st Second Date

Wow what an eventful first week in January.  I had two second dates.  Yes, part of me feels guilty for having back-to-back dates with different guys.  Yet another part of me is too busy giving myself a slow approving nod.  So anyways I had second dates with December #2 and #3. 

Friday, I went out with December #3.  To refresh your memory and make sure were on the same page he is the 6’4 sushi date.  To give him somewhat of a real identity and to make it easier to keep everyone straight I will just use his first initial and call him M.   M and I text back and forth all week.  He uses those emoticons a lot but the image is so small it is hard to know exactly what emotion he is trying to convey.  I guess I could change the font size on my phone and set it to a bigger size but I really didn’t care enough about it to bother.  He also sends random pictures/ comic like the ones people post on Facebook.  Some are funny but others….not so much.

 M and I went out to this food truck festival.  It was fun but really cold. I met him near his house and we walked to the festival and talked.  He purposely walked on the outside of the sidewalk and was very protective whenever we crossed the street.  I noticed and made a comment about it.  He then alluded to the fact that he is 6’4 and the driver would notice him.  I learned more about M.  He is a really nice guy.  He is an only child and very close to his family.  He also has a few cousins and god family that he talked a lot about. 

M also likes using the made up word, chilaxing (Word is telling me it is spelled incorrectly and is suggesting the word climaxing).  I think the word chilaxing is stupid.  I have an irrational pet peeve about this specific made up word.  I don’t know why.  I just hate it.   Every time I hear it I cringe a little bit. I love other made up words like guesstimate, puffelope (one of those padded envelopes), and my favorite made up word…..procraterbate.   M used the word chilaxing twice on Friday and once in a text the next day.   The use of this word isn’t a deal breaker but FYI I REALLY don’t like the word.  

After eating M and I hung out for a little bit longer and ended up watching a movie.  When it was over he walked me to my car.  It was kind of late and I yawned.  He got concerned about me driving and asked me to text him when I got home.  I have always liked when a guy requests that.  It is so considerate and caring.  So of course I agreed to it.   We hugged goodbye and this time it included a quick kiss.  He then quizzed me and said, “What are you going to do when you get home?”  I am sure he was trying to be considerate and caring again but that was going a little overboard.  I am an adult.  I don’t need to be quizzed. 

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!! Ok so I am few days late but I got busy.  I hope everyone had a safe and eventful New Years Eve.  My New Years Eve celebration did not quite pan out as I had initially planned. 

So I didn’t start the New Year off by getting a steamy kiss at midnight.  But I started the year with an overwhelming since of happiness.  I feel so blessed.  I have the greatest most supportive, loving, and always amusing family.   My mother and father are still married.  They are still in love and kind of goofy over each other.  As a kid they would gross me out but really its kind of sweet.  Old people are so cute when they hold hands.   Side note to mom…..I am not calling you old.  I have wonderful siblings.  I love my brother and sister and I have the most adorable niece and nephew. 

I am also so blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends.  My family of friends is so supportive, loving, and talented in their own way.  They are so welcoming, adventurous, and fun to be around.  They also have exceptional taste in friends…..they picked me. 

I also feel very in control of my own life.  I have a great job that I love.  It is in the field that I have worked so hard to get into.  I love teaching.   

I also feel more in control about dating.  This blog and the date of the month challenge have also been an interesting experience.  I have gotten rid of any negative stigma attached to be single that in the past may have affected me.  I am more in control/ opinionated about the men I date.  I know who I am and what I value in a relationship.  I am confident that I will find my happily ever after.