Kids and pregnancy

Happy Summer!!  Sorry I am a little behind on blogging.  My brother, his wife, and two adorable step kids have been out visiting.  They are staying with my parents but tonight the kids are going to stay with me.  I am so excited.  The kids are 6 and 8.  The perfect cute age.

I have only known the kids for about three years.  I missed seeing their cute baby faces.  Which is actually ok.  Babies kinda freak me out.  I mean don't get me wrong babies are cute an all.....but they are so breakable.  It freaks me out.  

The whole baby in your stomach freaks me out.  It is like an alien that is going to pop out an latch on to your boob. Breastfeeding TOTALLY freaks me out.  I understand that your baby needs to eat but I believe that modesty is still important.  It is not ok for me to whip out my boob in public.   How is it ok for  someone to whip theirs out to feed their baby?  I get all queazy with the idea of feeling the baby kick or move inside.   

Anyways......I know that I am awesome with kids and I love kids.  I have been told that I would make a fantastic mother.  I am just a little freaked out about having them and get a little nauseous if i think about it.  I am not completely against the idea but not completely for it either. 

I have always been this way.  Well ok I used to say that I absolutely did NOT want to have kids....but now I kind of would like to leave it up to fate or adoption.  

I never knew why I felt this way.  Many girls grow up wanting to be a mother.  I grew up with other goals about my education and career choices.  I never thought I was weird for being a little different I just knew I couldn't relate to women whose primary goals revolve around being a mother.  

I recently found out what childhood events "might" have lead to my queazy and freaked out feelings toward pregnancy.  

Picture this.......I am a sweet four year old.  BTW, I was a really cute kid.  My Aunt and Uncle are over visiting with my new baby cousin.  Apparently my cousin got hungry and my aunt was breast-feeding her.  I am sure that the whole breastfeeding concept was something new to me.  I peered over curiously and my aunt unlatched her boob and SHOT ME IN THE FACE with breast milk.  EEWWWWW!!!

Disgusting, right!!!

I really hope that I was a fast little four year old and I was able to react quickly to get out of the line of fire. I wonder how far that stuff can shoot out?  SO GROSS!  I am getting naucious just thinking about it.  

Maybe that event shaped me more than I think?  Maybe the shock of being shot in the face with breast milk sunk into my psyche and made the whole idea of having kids a little more nauseating.  Or maybe I would be like this even if that didn't happen to me.   Any thoughts?  

Date of the Month-June……May continue

So I found out recently that my grandma reads my blog.  When she told me this I couldn’t help but smile.  A big cheesy smile.  I love knowing that people read and enjoy what I put out into the Internet world.  So feel free to share this blog with anyone/everyone…..even your grandma.  Maybe some of their words of wisdom will help me on my dating journey.

As far as my dating/love life goes.  I get to count May as my June. May and I have been dating for like a month and a half. To refresh your memory this is they guy that my old teacher set me up with.  I do like this guy.  He is a math/science teacher.  Very funny and can make me laugh.  Younger but I don’t notice it really.  I feel comfortable around him for the most part.

We have gone out for….

-2 lunch dates

-at least 3 dinners

-a prom  (I clean up nice.  He even bought me a corsage but within a minute of putting it down a students sat on it)

-an early morning brunch

-and a movie

Now I bet many of you are thinking…..Have you had sex?  And I want to remind you that my grandmother reads this blog.  However, since up to now I have posted with blunt honesty. I will tell you that NO,  we have not had sex.  Not even close. 

I went out with some wonderful friends last night.  They quickly asked the sex question and were shocked when I said no.  They suggested that I take some initiate, get him drunk (to lover inhibitions), and basically jump him. 

I do not want to do that.  I do not want to be the aggressor.  I do not want to play that role.  Great, Now I sound like Dr. Seuss. 

I do REALLY enjoy his company BUT I am not sure it is going to go anywhere.

A few days ago we went out for lunch.  We were having fun.  He was making me laugh.  There was this lunchtime trivia thing on one of the TVs at the bar/restaurant we were at.  We were answering those and just having a nice easy lunch.  There was a baseball game on one of the other tvs. May/June doesn’t like baseball.   I told him that my brother is coming to town in a few weeks with his wife and two step kids.  I adore my little niece and nephew.  I said that I was going to take them to a dodger game.  I asked if he wanted to go.  Without a second hesitation, he firmly said, “No.” 

Just F your I, I don’t take people I am dating to meet my family.  I keep the things pretty separate.  I don’t think there is a point in introducing a guy your dating to your family unless it is more serious.   So inviting him to meet my brother was kind of a big deal to me. 

After May/June said, “No” I didn’t have anything to say.  I didn’t have a witty response.  So it got uncomfortably quiet for a little bit, I don’t even know how long.  I don’t remember what he said to break the silence. 

On a different note, last night I go a text from DO NOT ANSWER.  I might have recognized the terrible text spelling.  He said, Hey wats up?  Ahhhh.  

Guest Post Mr. Not My Match

Yeahhhh!  I am excited to share another crazy story with you.  This post comes from one of my wonderful friends.  She has done the whole online dating thing on and off for years.  The last time was at least 3 years ago.  She decided to try Match.com after finally breaking it off completely with this guy that was not-so good for her (they had been on and off for 3 years).  A few months ago she told me the whole idea of online dating made her want to crawl into the fetal position and cry.  That comment totally made me laugh.  Just picture it. Thankfully, and somewhat due to my great influence, she was able to give it another go.  This was her first venture back into the treacherous waters of ONLINE dating.  I convinced her to write it down and share it.  Blogging really is very cathartic.  And hey at least we all get to be amused now. 

Read and enjoy!!!

She even came up with the post title.  I really like it.  Here it is.  Feel free to leave a comment!!!!  YEAH!!!

On Friday night I went on a date with a guy I met on Match.com. We had been talking consistently the week prior, exchanging several text messages, a few hour long phone conversations, and we even video chatted (which was nice because I was able to see if he was who he said he was). Mr Match was attractive, 32, owned his own home and took pride in its contents. He seemed responsible, funny, smart, we had some common interests, and seemed very interested in me. As this was my third "first" date since my break-up with my long term ex, I was still pretty nervous, and really don't see the "fun" in this whole dating thing. But trying not to take it all too seriously, all the same. Mr Match suggested a restaurant in my city, made reservations, and preferred to pick me up. I agreed. We had a 7:15 reservation at a place just 5 minutes from my house, and he arrived a little after 6!!

So instead of just picking me up, he comes in. He walks in after a quick hug, and begins to survey and question different aspects of my house. I thought maybe he was just nervous, but after a while I began to realize that he was a guy with no filter. He payed more attention to my house than me. And was friendly with my cat :) We sat on the couch for a bit since we were so early for dinner, and chatted. I asked him how his day was, and got a short response. He made some interesting confessions. He told me that the green shirt he had on, he always wears on first dates. He told me that he doesn't take complements well, and doesn't like to give them, either. He mentioned that he would never date anyone with a tattoo and prefers pale skin (yikes) and he was glad that I didn't have any dietary restrictions cause he hates that. Wow! At this point my head was kind of spinning and felt like I wasted my time getting all dolled up as I obviously wasn't going to be complemented for it.

We headed out for dinner. He opened my car door for me. Before we left we sat in the car for a sec so he could put the restaurant address in his GPS, even though I told him that I knew where we were going... Okay :) He then turned on his music...it was classical/instrumental. Interesting choice. Not something I'd normally play in my car. The place was at the mall and it was very crowded. He seemed to get stressed quick that we couldn't find parking, and was sort of erratic in finding a spot. At this point I knew this guy was a little OCD/Bipolar... I can spot those tendencies a mile away.

We made it to the restaurant, sat down and checked out the sushi menu. He was less concerned with my order preferences, and more on his own. I suggested we order some rolls to share, but he wasn't feeling it. He ordered some appetizers and some saki and and I ordered a beer (I really needed one at this point). The waitress brought the saki and two shot glasses and left them on the table. When she walked away he says "she just totally fucked up!" This totally caught me off guard. I asked why and he said she should have poured it for us. Who cares! I thought it was rude of him to act that way. So we poured each others saki and continued on.

We ate a little, and chatted more. He is very talkative (and opinionated). The conversation was descent, but a few other choice comments came out that I can't get over:

-He doesn't maintain any real friendships and doesn't feel the need to

-He goes to Disneyland by himself, quite often (my personal opinion on that is that it's really strange)

-He asked me who my favorite Disney princess was...and told me his was Snow White.

-He classified himself as "the nicest asshole you'll ever meet"

-Also that he is a "serial first dater". I'm starting to see why!

There were many other interesting comments made but I was kind of buzzed at this point (thankfully) and don't remember anymore. He payed the tab and I thanked him. He made the comment that I could pay next time. I really didn't appreciate that comment at all. I don't think men should always have to pay, but there’s a better way to handle that. I also feel if a man is trying to win you over and is a true gentleman, he prefers to pay. Just saying.

On the way back to the car, we passed by the Yankee Candle store, and he insisted we go in. He tells me he loves candles in his house, and was checking out the scents. He looked around for a while and seemed restless about not buying one. He asked the sale clerk when the sale was over, so he could come back. Oye. In the car on the way back, he reaches behind my seat and hands me a burned CD. He said it was gift for coming on the date (what?) It had printed label, which read "the happy CD". I asked him what that was all about and he said it had a bunch of songs on there that he liked and made him happy. With the classical music, solo Disney trips, and candle loving, I could only imagine what was on there. He said he gives them out to people he meets regularly. I thanked him.

When we got back, he kind of assumed he was coming in. He did. Things went a bit further than I had intended. Although I found him to be quite odd, and kind of a handful, he was attractive. I knew in the back of my mind I wasn't interested in seeing him again after this night, so figured what the heck. He texted me random things the next day. After processing the date, I really had no interest in dealing with him further. I always feel it best to be honest and upfront, because that is the treatment that I would wish to get from a man if the situation were opposite. I texted him "thank you for last night, it was nice meeting you. I wish you the best in your future dating endeavors, but think that you and I are not quite a match" He responded "oh, ok. Good luck to you too" nice and clean, no loose ends, no questions.

It's the best way no matter how the date went. And hey, I got a consolation prize, a CD with the lamest music I've ever heard a grown man listen to. Put it this way... I could very easily play it in my classroom with my pre-k students!

New Phone Numbers

I dont save phone numbers.  Ok let me rephrase that.... I dont save the numbers for guys.   I cant say say that I have never saved the number for a guy that I was interested in dating.  I know I used to.  I am not even sure at what point I stopped.

People save new contacts in many different ways.  You could save a guy's number by first name and a secondary distinguishing fact like how you met them, i.e. Doug Match, or Jake OKSTUPID.  I have heard of the number being saved by a short physical distinction, i.e. Dave Slightly Balding or Ricky Really Sexy.Ultimately, the owner of the phone needs to be able to remember who it is next  time they are scrolling through the address book to ensure that they will not send a message or call the wrong person.  That could be bad.

 I could have easily saved the phone numbers by using the month to distinguish who it was....I just don't bother.  I usually recognize the number after a few calls or texts.

I guess not saving the phone number is one of my ways to remain a little detached.  I know saving a phone number is not a huge investment.....but it kinda is.  If things don't go well I have to actually go through the little hassle of deleting the contact.   By not ever saving the number I never have to delete the contact.

This form of detachment has bit me in the ass, twice.  Both are really good stories.

The first time it bit me in the ass was a few years ago.  I was playing on a co-ed softball team.  One week, this guy subbed for our team.  He was cute and we flirted.  He asked for my number and called that night.  He wanted to go out that night.  I said No.....I wanted to shower and look like a girl.  We ended up talking for at least an hour before I said I was headed to bed.  After we hung, he text me saying, "goodnight."  You might be thinking......wow thats so sweet.  I was thinking.....wow thats a little overkill.

The next morning, he sent me a text saying good morning.  We had some tentative plans for that night.  Later that day we were texting back and forth trying to figure everything out.  I had class that night and we decided to meet for a drink after my class got out.  I suggested BJ's (a sports restaurant/bar that has lots of tv's with tons of different games on)  Bj's is really crowded during the week and I thought that the games on could give some good atmosphere and topics to talk about.  He didn't like my suggestion. He suggested this very quiet bar that is located inside a hotel just across the street from Bj's.  He said it would be more intimate and we could get to know each other.  I was very put off by his suggestion.  It seemed creepy.  

In my head I kept thinking....."I don't care how intimate it is.  I will not blow you under the table."  So I ended up canceling the plans that night.  I think I blamed it on my class getting out later than I thought.  For the next couple of days, he called and text to try to make plans.  I was nice but always made an excuse why I couldnt go.   He was pretty persistent for about a month.  One night maybe 4 months later I was watching an improv show.  I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. The text included my name in the greeting maybe something like, "Hello Jaymie".  I text back asking who it was.  I got a reply that said his name and then another text that said, "Do you remember me?  Because I remember you!"  I was again a little creeped out by him and stopped responding at all.  He text a few more times that night and even called twice.  

The second time I got bit in the ass by my detachment was more recently.  Just last month and it involved April.  To refresh your memory, April was the guy with the very awkward goodbye.  He is the one that directly said, “Give me a hug”.  I thought it was a bit demanding.  I complied with what I planned on being a quick hug.  He squeezed on to me tightly and I could feel his lips on my cheek.  He kept holding on to me with his lips on my cheek for an awkwardly long time.  I patted his back as a signal that the hug was over and tried to let go but he was still holding on.  I moved my head and I guess he thought I was going to kiss him. He moved his head and pressed his lips to mine.  He was still hugging me.  He kept his lips pressed to mine for another awkwardly long time.  I made the sound for a kiss (smooch) hoping that that would signal the end and he would pull away......it didnt work.  I made the kissing sound even louder and  he finally let go. 

He text the next day and later that week trying to make plans.  I wasn't interested in going out again but was not direct enough the first time he asked me out.  Then when he asked again I wished I had been more direct the first time but still went with using excuses.  He would text occasionally and say thinks like, "Wat up?"  I stopped responding.  

A few weeks ago, I called one of my student's parents from my cell phone and left my number for them to return the call.  Later than day I missed a call from a number I didnt recognize.  I assumed it was the parents called back but no one answered.  The voicemail was the standard one that says the phone number.  I didnt leave a message.  When I got a phone call from that same number I answered.  A guys voice said, "Hi Jaymie"  It was not my student's parents.  I wasnt sure who it was so i asked.  The guy quickly responded and said "Its your future baby daddy"  

Really....I swear that is what he said.  I was shocked and didnt know what to say.  I was speechless.   He then explained who it was and asked me out again.  It was finals week so I had a very true excuse for saying no.  After I hung up, I did end up saving the number.  I saved it as DO NOT ANSWER.