My younger version and lessons for the future

As I mentioned before I have never been particularly good at relationships.  The younger version of myself had hoped that I could get it right by now.  But, I DIDN'T!!!

My younger self loved the chase.  My dating life was more of a catch and release program.  I loved the thrill of meeting and flirting with a new guy.  The electrifying moment when our eyes meet across the room is exciting.  I smile then coyly and deliberately look away.  Later while he is filling his beer at the keg I pounce on him like a tiger watching prey. 

I am a pretty witty person.  I can easily make people laugh.  So I make him laugh and banter about whatever topics come up.  My particularly sarcastic humor amuses him and I sense his interest rising.  He asks for my number and we make plans to go out.

Sometimes I would sabotage things.   I would quickly loose interest once I knew he was really interested.  Maybe because I though he is too needy or has an early onset receding hairline. Perhaps I felt that the conversation didn’t flow as easily as it had before or he was just boring.   I would find reasons or invent them.  Tiny little flaws would be all that I could see. 

Now I openly admit this allergic reaction I had toward the possibility of a relationship forming was wrong.  But it wasn't always my fault.  I have has some crazy things happen on first dates and some things that make it hard to not be jaded and hesitant.   

I have tried hard to suppress many of these events.   In an effort to grow as an individual and face things head on, I will share these terribly yet often funny stories with you along the way.  Maybe we will learn something.  I hope the lesson is deeper and more optimistic that the idea that men suck.