Feedback........maybe???

I truly believe that first dates are like interviewing for a job.  As I mentioned in the previous post, both first dates and interviews require a great deal of preparation to put your best face forward and make a good impression.  Both often make you nervous and include many different questions about yourself and past experiences.  

Another huge similarity that I feel I must point out is that you often leave both situations feeling like you "nailed it" (and no I am not referring to sex) but then later find out that you were not selected.  This often leaves a person feeling confused and rejected.  And we all know that feeling sucks.   

Unfortunately with both of these situations feedback is never given so you can try to improve yourself and correct possibly small errors.   BOOOO!!!  
It doesn’t seem fair.  So I decided to face this injustice head on.  It appears that November just isn’t that into me.   It’s ok.  I can’t really say that I was that into him either. I didn’t have anything to win or lose so I decided to seek out some feedback from him.

I sent November a message on OKCupid telling him that I enjoyed meeting him but that it seems like he is just not that in to me.  I assured him that I was ok and not crying myself to sleep every night. I then shared my comparison between dating and job interviews and asked him why he wasn’t into me.   I suggested a few possibilities and encouraged him to be blatantly honest. 

Maybe I will get some feedback……..I will keep you posted.

My road to wisdom

I believe I have a pretty good sense of self worth and self esteem.  
I know there are "plenty of fish in the sea" and I have faith that someday my prince will come.  
 
I was not always this wise.  I have on more occasions than I would like to admit freaked out that HE didn't call. I called all my girl friends to cry to them over this injustice and ask them over and over again why??  Looking back I can also remember one particular drunken night I went a bit crazy and paged this guy I was really into repeatedly.  What it was the late 90's before cells phones. I left at least 5 long drunken messages declaring my love for him. I ended up leaving at least 5 messages, maybe even more, because his pager voicemail system kept cutting me off.  Why didnt my friend stop me???  About 10 years later I saw him at a Halloween party .......I wasn't sure he remembered or recognized me but, I avoided eye contact.  

It took many years but I finally grew wiser and learned that maybe he's just not that into me.  And that's ok.  I had made significant steps toward understanding this even before I read the book. 

But the book is fantastic.......way better than the movie.  I included the review from amazon.com for anyone that has never read the book.  I adds a lot of humor to the truth. 

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze and obsess over the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that—despite good intentions—it’s an utter waste of time. Men are not complicated, although they’d like women to think they are. And there are no mixed messages. The truth may be: He’s just not that into you.
Straightforward and sensible, He’s Just Not That Into You educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Dating Analogies

During my dating lifetime I have heard many different dating analogies.
Such as.....

-Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken.

and

-Finding the right man is like finding the perfect pair of shoes. You have to try several shoes out until you find the one that fits just right.

These analogies may have elements of truth to them but dating is also a lot like interviewing for a job. Both require a great deal of preparation to put your best face forward and make a good impression, often make you nervous, and include many different questions about yourself and past experiences.  

I also used to think dating is like fishing.  In order to catch a fish or a date you need to get yourself out there and wait for something to catch on your line.  You want to catch the prettiest fish in your pond. Dating can be very slippery and some guys are just slimy. 

But maybe dating is more like house hunting.  The good ones are not on the market for long, it is time consuming, and hard to find the perfect model that takes into account all your “wants and needs”. 

 What do you think?

More info about November

I have gotten a lot of Facebook messages asking about a second date with November and commenting about chemistry.  I don't think that being comfortable around each other is the same as chemistry. I would say that November and I were both comfortable around each other.  Comfortable enough to talk openly. But I am not sure about a second date.  Maybe.

I did remember one detail I forgot to include in the previous post. November and I were talking about traveling and then Amsterdam. I had traveled through Amsterdam a few years ago.  I have some crazy stories about that wonderful and crazy place.  Talking about Amsterdam and the Red Light District led to a discussion about prostitution.  November said he thought prostitution should be legal in the US because it happens anyways. I disagreed and said I just couldn't agree. I said, "I just don't think it is OK to pay for sex." He then made a reference to all guys paying for sex by paying for dates.  I ignored that comment and made another comment about Amsterdam.  

Believing prostitution should be legal and the other terrible comparison isn't a deal breaker but it does make me wonder about his stance on other issues.  

Date of the Month-November Sunday Night Football/Drinks

So I did manage to find my November.  I met him on OKCupid.  He is 31 originally from somewhere in Florida.  He was in the Navy for like 8 years and has lived in quite a few different US cities.  He is now in Burbank and going to film school.  We emailed back and forth a bit and then he asked about meeting up for coffee or drinks.  My weekends have been extremely busy lately but I have all week off for Thanksgiving so I suggested Sunday night.

He drove up to meet me and we actually arrived within minutes of each other.  We hugged and I noticed he was only about 5'5 or 5'6.  I seem to only be dating shorter guys.  Good thing I don't usually wear high heels.  

I picked this chill restaurant/bar.  The restaurant has TVs set up around the room with different sports playing.  I figured it would offer some entertainment but I had forgotten how loud it can get especially with Sunday Night Football.  OPPS!  

We ended up sitting on the patio so it wouldn't be as loud.  November has brown hair and brown.  He is attractive and has a really nice smile.  He looks approachable and friendly.  I noticed some similarities between November and one of my best guy friends which might be why I felt pretty relaxed.  The date didn't have the first date interview question feel.   

November is a bit sarcastic with the sense of humor where you are not sure if what is being said is truthful.  I am pretty good at rolling with it so when he said something I wasn't sure was the truth I just added more detail to his story.  

We talked about family, traveling, sports, family, bad dates/dating, and other countless topics.  He was easy to talk to and a bit flirty.  Nothing over the top but I still enjoyed the attention.  The night actually passed quickly.  When the bill came he picked up the check. I did offer.  

We left and November walked me to my car.  I love that moment right before a first kiss, when you know the other person wants to kiss you but hasn't fully initiated it.  There is this excitement in the air and a tenderness about it.  So November did kiss me goodnight.  It was sweet.  

It is actually easier to kiss someone close to your height.  I guess I have to keep dating shorter guys.

Moment of Clarity

I, like many other people, do not always take my own advice.  I am still Facebook friends with the last guy I dated.  Yeah, I know!!  I can hear my voice telling other people to delete their exes but I just didnt click the button to hit delete.   I don't snoop or anything.....OK Fine.  I do once in a while.

The other day I saw his posting on my news feed.  He was posting something about being with some girl.  He had some cheesy rhyme for her name.  And yes I clicked on her profile.  She is this cute black chick.  So I am stuck between being a little sad that he is posting about being with this chick and a little peeved by the rhyme.  

I also read the comments and noticed with shock and dismay that she refereed to him as "daddy" in her comment.   I could now hear the whinny voice of the black actress from the movie Couples Retreat.  You know the one, with Vince Vaughn.  The black guy is recently divorced and brings his annoyingly whinny girl friend with him and she calls him, "Daddy".  

EWWWW!!!! I could feel my gag reflex and stomach churn.  I don't mean to offend anyone reading that might have referred to their man as "daddy" but I strongly dislike that.  I also at the moment had the best moment of clarity.   The moment where you know you are 100% over someone.  

I would not be into dating a guy that liked being called, "Daddy" by their girlfriend.  And well, if he is into that kind of woman......it is definitely NOT me. 

See, maybe it is a good thing that I don't listen to my own advice.  

 

Saturday Night

I spend twenty minutes on my make-up on Saturday night.  I use Bare Essentials and opted for the color Soul Sister, a fantastic purple and True Gold.  I have green eyes so the purple and gold make them pop.

My dad once told me that I am single because I don't wear enough make-up.   I thought maybe he could be on to something and it wouldn't hurt to test this idea.  So I invested in Bare Essentials.  I have now invested a LOT. Some people would say I almost have too much make-up.  So moral of that tangent, Dad was wrong.  Thanks Dad, Now I'm poor and Single.  At least I have so many pretty colors.

Anyways back to Saturday Night.  My make-up was awesome, hair was flat ironed,  and my roast was written.  I was ready.  

My sister and I arrived and mingled.  It was nice to see some familiar faces.......but my old crush was not one of them.  He wasn't there and didn't end up making it.

Ahhh well.....my roast to R went well.

Old Crushes........never end

So some of you may know that I do Stand-Up comedy as a hobby.   My material is all about me, my life, and the people in my life.  Much like this blog I am a little ego centric.  I think I am pretty funny. Although my grandmother said I was "too crude" for her.  Or maybe she is just a little too prude in her advanced age.  Whatever, I think I am funny.

D, a long time family friend called me the other week.  She is throwing a party for her husband, R's 60th birthday and was looking to throw some comedy in the mix.  She asked me if I would do it.  Of course I said yes.  I  need something to feed my ego.  I agreed to Emcee the event and write a roast for R and also set up another comedian to perform as well.

D and R have five children. Their sons is best friends with my old high school crush.  I "loved" my high school crush from freshman year all the way through to my senior year.  We did not have any classes together or really talk more than a few times.  Yes, I understand that my crush was completely ridiculous but I remember telling my friends that I wanted him delivered to my front door on a silver platter with a big red bow.  What can I say, I have a rich fantasy and very creative imagination.  

So while talking to D I learned that he will be there.  I instantly felt myself  shrink back to my high school self.  Ahhhhh.  I had butterflies in my stomach and felt my self esteem meter drop quite a bit.
Crap.  I hope my admitting this reaction to myself and all of you that  I can  bring myself back to my current self-a sarcastic bad ass with pretty good sense of self esteem.

I don't know if I am hoping he is now ugly so I don't get all weak in the knees stupid or that he is still gorgeous so at least I have something fun to look at.

I know that I have to be charming and amusing.  I can not be thrown off.  My Roast WILL be funny.
Ohh crap.  I hope he doesn't make me nervous!!!  

So you actually have to go out..... to meet people

I love my new job.  The people are great.  The kids are sweet.  But work is exhausting.   I am so glad my plans for Friday fell through.   I was an awesome supportive teacher and went to about 10 minutes of the Homecoming game.  A few of my students were participating in the events.  So I went.

I got home and was asleep by 8:30.  The only man I met was Astronaut Mike Dexter and that was in my dreams.  Maybe I should stop watching episodes of 30 Rock on Neflix before bed.  The point is that although I got a lot of much needed sleep I didnt meet anyone. 

Saturday I went out with my new coteacher.  She is awesome so I am just going to refer to her as Mrs. A.  Around my second day on the job I met Mrs. A's husband.    WOW!!! All I can say is OHHH DAMN!!!  He is a really attractive man.  She knows how to pick them.....maybe she can pick me a man. 
 
Mrs A and I went to her friends live show in Siverlake.  Her friend is an amazing voice over artist and performer.  A bunch of different comedy writers that she know wrote her a show and quite fitting the show is called My Friends Wrote Me a Show.  The show was brilliant.  So funny and witty.  She is a great performer.  Her name is Paige King.  Maybe you have heard of her? 

So here I am out and about.  There were a few attractive guys at the restaurant bar where the show was.  They were cute and I am pretty sure they were gay.  NARDS.....yeah I really need to stop watching 30 Rock.   Anyways, So now I realize you have to a) go out and b) go to a place populated by more straight men.  So Mrs. A did not pick me a man........maybe she will next time. 

Sunday night my friend was performing at Flappers Comedy Club.  It was his first show and I was so so excited to see him.  He is also my hairstylist.........NO he is not gay.  He just happens to be a male straight hairstylist and I love him.    A lot of people turned up for the show.  Apparently a lot of people love Josh.

The good news is the show was great.  Josh did fantastic.  If he was nervous he hid it so well. I also met many of Josh's friends.  And a few friends of friends.  Mostly women.  But really interesting and fun women.  I guess a hairstylist would have mostly female friends.