Strengths Finder

I am currently taking the last two classes at CSUN to clear my credential.   Yeah!!!  For one of my classes we are required to read and take the Test in the book Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath.  Tom Rath is also the author of How Full is Your Bucket? So i took the test and check out what I got.....

MY TOP 5 STRENGTHS and a little description of each one from my Clifton StrengthFinder Test are

1 Positivity-People who are especially talented in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

My Personalized Strengths Insights: By nature, you are known for being an upbeat and sociable person. You make a point of praising young people when they do things well or show even the smallest signs of personal growth. Your obvious joy in their successes affirms and motivates them. Chances are good that you are pleasant and amiable — that is, easy to get along with and likeable. You can socialize or work with just about anybody. Your congenial — that is, friendly — manner as well as your interest in people help you identify common ground, offer compliments, ask non-threatening questions, and effortlessly move in and out of conversations. Driven by your talents, you routinely spark the enthusiasm of individuals. Your own job, studies, or life becomes much more exhilarating when you help others more fully experience their lives. Instinctively, you may be inclined to see things in a favorable light. Perhaps even in serious situations, you are less likely to succumb to the gloom and doom thinking of pessimists. It’s very likely that you may have an exceptional desire to leave a legacy of value and worth — to live a life that matters. This partially explains why you are compelled to make a meaningful and lasting impact on the planet or people’s lives. Occasionally you urge individuals to do their part in making the world, or at least their little corner of it, a better place for all living things. 

2 Woo (Winning others Over)-People who are especially talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person.

My Personalized Strengths Insights: Chances are good that you occasionally tell tales of memorable incidents in your life, entertaining and amusing those around you. To some degree, you welcome opportunities to share your personal observations or experiences. As a result, certain listeners might draw lessons or gain insights from your amusing stories. Driven by your talents, you are sometimes unreserved. Perhaps you share personal information and stories with first-time acquaintances as easily as with old friends. Because of your strengths, you enjoy the companionship of others and relish social activities. You are apt to be the person who moves around the room getting acquainted and reacquainted with people. You typically do not spend all your time huddled in the corner with one or two best friends. Instinctively, you usually look forward to social events. Meeting and greeting lots of people delights you. The more you interact with these individuals, the more enthusiastic you are apt to be about life. By nature, you readily initiate conversations. Your talkative nature compels you to say whatever is on your mind. You have an ability to talk informally and persuasively. You are completely at ease with an audience. Seldom do you find yourself speechless.

3 Communication-People who are especially talented in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters.

My Personalized Strengths Insights: Instinctively, you usually attract listeners with your stories, presentations, lectures, or speeches. You routinely seek opportunities to talk about what you think, feel, or have experienced. Driven by your talents, you are loquacious — that is, fond of talking. You gain people’s attention by sharing news and passing along information. You are apt to tell elaborate stories about your personal adventures or professional experiences. Your stories can illustrate abstract ideas, theories, or concepts. They can serve as examples of what to do and what not to do. Regardless of their intended purpose, your tales generally amuse and entertain listeners. By nature, you might arouse people’s interest with your stories or presentations. Maybe your tone, your physical stature, or the forcefulness of your ideas cause others to heed what you say. It’s very likely that you normally pine — that is, yearn or intensely long — to be with your good friends. When this is impossible, you probably become even more determined to pull newcomers or outsiders into your discussions. Chances are good that you sometimes amuse people with your stories. Perhaps you have special techniques for enlivening conversations so everyone involved has fun.

4 Empathy-People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.

My Personalized Strengths Insights: Because of your strengths, you might tune in to the feelings of people. Maybe you cheer them up when they are sad, disappointed, lonely, frustrated, or afraid. Chances are good that you may be pleased when certain individuals share with you their emotions, thoughts, or needs. Perhaps you know some of the things they will say even before they speak. By nature, you might be a gifted raconteur — that is, a fine storyteller. Sometimes you notice your audience’s mood the moment you walk into the room or approach a group. Perhaps this ability allows you to interpret the feelings of your story’s characters. Armed with some insights, you may anticipate when your listeners will laugh out loud, chuckle quietly to themselves, gasp in disbelief, nod in agreement, or shed a tear. Driven by your talents, you may detect who does and does not want to be your friend. Perhaps you place a premium on being liked. Your feelings might be bruised when someone openly dislikes or rejects you. Instinctively, you may be a person to whom people express their personal concerns or reveal their emotions. Perhaps you have a gift for understanding what individuals are experiencing. Sometimes your insights help you ask the right questions or offer appropriate assistance.

5 Developer-People who are especially talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.

My Personalized Strengths Insights: It’s very likely that you find it quite easy to welcome many sorts of youthful newcomers and outsiders into your circle. You are inclined to become involved in activities that interest them. Because of your strengths, you sometimes throw yourself into your work even when you are personally inconvenienced. To some extent, you place the well-being of others above your own. Driven by your talents, you are overjoyed when you can credit a person or a group with being successful. The more you affirm others, the healthier you are emotionally physically, mentally, and even spiritually. Chances are good that you can sometimes place the needs of others ahead of your own. Instinctively, you are keenly aware of the emotions individuals experience when they participate in various activities or contests. You likely determine ahead of time who can have fun whether they win or lose. You predict who will be greatly disappointed by defeat or overjoyed by victory. 

Interesting Huh...   Ok despite the fact that positivity is my number 1strength.....Sometimes I can feel down too.   That sometimes just happens to be RIGHT NOW!!!  I could use some positive vides thrown my way.

So if you have any awesome inspirational thoughts.  Feel free to share.  Ricky, Sometimes sharing is caring.  

Thanks!

Words of Wisdom and Insight from the Youth of Today

As you probably know I am a teacher.  Which means I am blessed with the honor of spend my days with wonderful students.  They are often amusing.

I wanted to share with you some of the little tidbits that have been shared with me that I found worth sharing.

One girl was talking about someone she was interested in.  She said they had gone out once.  She very easily said, "There was an audition but no call back."   Dating is a little like acting.  It requires learning some lines (good topics to start conversations), a visit to hair and make-up, and you can yell, "Cut! Thats a wrap. " at any time to end a bad date.

I also recently got into a debate with a student.  The topic was, What is old?  I am not sure why the topic was brought up.  The students asked my age.  I was truthful.  See,   I model honesty for my students.  He commented that I didn't look that old.  What a smart kid.   He asked if I had kids.  So i told him no.  He replied, "Thats why you look young.  Kids make you old."  I was intrigued by this comment so I probed a little bit.  I asked him, " What about someone who was 45 year old but didn't have any kids."  I know that 45 is the new 35 but to a 17year old......45 is old.  He stuck to his originally idea and said that a 45 without any kids is young.  Then I asked, "What about a 16 yr old who does have kids."  He quickly informed me that she was old.

Interesting notion...... I could see his thought process.  I am 32 years old which is young in the grand scheme of things but many of my friends do have kids.  At 32 with no kids and no serious relationship, I can be as selfish as I want.  I do not have to worry about much.  I have the normal stresses of work and school but I do not have to worry about anyone else's wants or needs.   Which does make me young.... or at least keep me young.  Yes, one positive thing to being single.

My little sister is 25.  She is single with no kids.  Many of her friends have kids.  I think she has more friends with children than I do.  Her best friends kid calls us both Aunt.  She is almost 5 and a super cute kid.  Last weekend she came to visit me and graced me with a story.  It was a story about when she grows up and is 25.   She is going to get married and wear a crown.  I told her that I was older that 25 and I wasn't married.  She made this face that I can only describe as a grimace.  It wasn't the reaction I had hopped for.

Tinder gets the Finger

So as I told you before I joined Tinder.  It has been an amusing month.  

Tinder has been one of my favorite ways to waste time.  It do find amusement in checking out the profiles and swiping right or left.    In all other ways.....It sucks!

Here is a few examples of why Tinder gets the Finger.

#1
First conversation on tinder.  
This guy I matched with sent me a message and said, "Hey".  So I responded by saying, "Happy Sunday"  His response was that I could make his sunday more happy so I asked how.

He responded by suggesting that I sit on his face.  I know what you are thinking.   Wow this is a very crude comment.  Your possibly thinking EWWW or HOW RUDE.  You are probably wondering if I replied.  And what I said.  And what you would have said in that situation.   

I wont leave you to wonder for too long.  I did respond. 
I said, "Really, does that ever work for you?  After you say that do the girls all swoon?  

He informed me that No, that line has not worked yet.  I responded and said, "Yet you keep trying it.  Wouldn't your mother be proud."  I think he sensed my sarcasm.  

#2
Another Conversation on Tinder
This other guy I was chatting with for a little bit asked me,  "Do you know what this site is intended for?"I said I wanted him to enlighten me.  Spell it out.  We might be having different ideas"

He responded with one word, "F&#KING"  I replied, "I must have missed that when I read the description before uploading the app." 

#3
LOTS and LOTS of young guys with pictures of their abs and chest.  I have now seen the reflection of inside more bathrooms than I can count.  

#4
Apparently shirtless pictures do not discriminate by age.  I came across a profile for a 50 yr old with his shirt off.  You cant erase memories like that.  

#5
While wasting time one night I came across the best of the worst.  Steve's profile was a picture of a penis and there was some text that said, "Wanna lend me a hand I Love getting handjobs;)"

#6
This was not the worst or the best but I found it amusing.  This guys tagline was, "I piss awesomeness"

#7
I came across a lifestyle pusher.  His tagline was full off emoticons.  It said, "Even if you swipe left....at least switch from cows milk to almond milk or coconut milk....You wont regret it (Thumb up, heart, Thumb up).  

#8
I was talking to this guy for about a week.  Really funny banter.  He was interesting to talk to and not creepy at all.  One night he asked what I was up to.  I told him I was hanging out with my roommate.  I asked if he lived alone.  He then was honest and said, "Married"WTF!  So I say, "and your wife doesn't think it's odd that you are on tinder?"  I said Tinder by name instead of calling it a dating site.  He told me that she does not know.  What a jerk.  I do not approve of that message.  But it would be pointless to say anything about his behavior.  So i replied,  "Ok well,  If you have any fun single friends that enjoy long walks on the beach, making spaghetti, and spooning you should lead them my way." 

I need to delete the app but it is such a fun waste of time.  It is improving my hand eye coordination with the rapid fire swiping left or right.

Have you heard of Tinder?

I deleted my OKStudpid account and then thought, “Oh Shit! Now how am I going to meet someone?” I had read about this app called Tinder and decided to give it a try.

In case you don’t know.  Tinder is a free app that connects with your Facebook profile.  It pulls your name, age, and pictures from your Facebook profile.  Tinder will also tell you what common friends and shared interests you have with each Tinder member on your recommendations list. 

Tinder uses the GPS on your phone to search for potential matches.  You can set a few preferences like age and distance.  The profile consists of name, age, up to 5 pictures, a tagline, distance away, and any shared interest or friends.  It is very basic and many people do not even have a witty tagline.  The way it works is simple.  If you are not interested in the person you simply swipe the picture to the left or hit the X button.  A stamp that says “Nope” will appear over the picture and it will move to the left.  However if you like what see than you can swipe the picture to the right or hit the heart shaped button.  A stamp that says, “Liked” appears over the picture and the profile moves to the right.  If that person also “Liked” you then the app lets you know.  A screen pops up that says, “It’s a Match” and prompts you to send a message. 

  The match will also be listed in the My Matches section and you can send text messages through the app.  The app makers of Tinder have a good sense of humor.  When you click on a match Tinder again prompts you to start communicating and has some funny little messages such as...

~Conversations don’t write themselves

~Staring at this screen wont start a convo…

~Tinder can’t type for you…..actually, it could, but it won’t.

~Say thanks for swiping right

~You’re not getting any younger.

~Google some good one liners.

~Stop being boring

~In many cultures silence is considered rude

~See that box down there? Type something into it.

~You both like things. Talk about them. 

~You can tell your kids you met on Tinder.

~ #TalkToYourTinder

And my favorites

~Have no fear, Tinder is here!

And

~Ready to get Tinderized?

What exactly is Tinderized?  I don't know but it sounds fun.  

I do know that Tinder has been my favorite time waste.  It is so amusing to see what characters pop up and is slightly addictive.  

It's August........ WOW Time Flies

Ladies and Gentlemen,

August marks my 1 year anniversary on my Date of the Month Challenge.  WOW!!! 

It is also my birthday.  Yeah!!  I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by wonderful friends and family, have a job that I love doing, and be this fucking rad.  Toot Toot.  


This past year has been an adventure.  In many different ways.  I started thinking about the whole year and wanted to recap my adventures in dating land.  

August
Met: OKStupid
Date: Weekday Lunch 
Pros: Nice guy....we still text occasionally.  
Cons: He is busy.  We had a quick weekday lunch date...I dont like lunch dates.  

September #1
Met: OkStupid
Date: Coffee Date
Pros: Very witty
Cons: He had a black widow spider tattoo on his neck....I WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM! 

September #2
Met: OKStupid
Date: Improv show and dinner
Pros: The improv show was great.
Cons: We had nothing in common and he was boring.

October

Met: OKStupid

Date: Saturday Late Lunch

Pros: He was Sexy and complimentary.

Cons: In the first 10 minutes he asked me if I believed in god  and later asked if I had father issues.

November

Met: OKStupid

Date: Sunday Night Drinks 

Pros: Easy to talk to.

Cons: Believes prostitution should be legal and made a comment that all guys pay for sex by paying for dates.  

December #1

Met: OkStupid       (seeing the trend)

Date: Sunday Night Dinner

Pros: cute and easy to talk to

Cons: He said  I was maternal.... but the biggest con is that he just wasn't that into me.  

December #2

Met: Yep OKStupid

Date: Monday Night Dinner/Drinks

Pros: Very Chivalrous and sweet

Cons: Lulls in the conversation. We went out a few times.....I am very blunt and I dont think he liked my brand of crazy.  

December #3

Met: You guessed it, OKStupid

Date: Friday night dinner

Pros: Complimented me on my storytelling.  He was also very direct

Cons: Awkward High 5 over mutual dislike, uses the made up word chillaxing, and was irritatingly concerned that I text him when I arrived home.  

January

NONE....I failed this month

February

Met: OkStupid

Date: Early Dinner after work

Pros: out of the norm date....he taught me how to play this card game after we ate.  

Cons: Very Recently divorced was married for 10 years and seemed to be very out of practice with dating norms

March

Met: OKStupid

Date: Dinner Friday Night

Pros: Flexible and easy going.  He quickly changed plans when things went wrong.

Cons: There were no immediate cons...we went out quite a few times.  He just isnt that into me.  

April

Met: OKStupid

Date: Sunday Late Lunch

Pros: He is persistent.

Cons: Terrible text spelling "Wuts up?", made comment that he was my Future Baby Daddy

May and June
Met: Through a friend
Date: Saturday Night Dinner and Drinks
Pros: Easy to talk to and fun to be around, great sense of humor, charming, confidents (I could go on)
Cons: No Sexual Chemistry between us.  I could list that we are still friends as one of the pros.  

July
Met: OKStupid 
Date: Coffee 
Pros: Great conversationalist over email.  
Cons: Awkward lulls in conversation, indecisive about live and future 

And now I have come right back around to August.  I could have titled this year, Adventures in OKStupidville. 

A few months ago my mom made a comment about my dating life and asked, "Are you taking this serious?"  I quickly informed her that yes I am taking this seriously.  I put more thought into really thinking about how the date goes and don't get giddy over not so great guys, I know more about what I want and deserve, and I put more effort into dating.   This past year I dated 13 different guys.  I stayed in the game and actively dated.  If I think back to my 20's there is years where I don't remember dating at all.  I know I don't have the best memory and I quite possibly may be trying to block out certain guys/dates.  Now I feel more in control of my dating life and I don't feel any stigma that is often attached to being single.  

I welcome the next year of my dating challenge.  Who said, "Fasten your seatbelt.  It's going to be a bumpy ride"?     Whoever it was, they are brilliant.  Life is an adventure and dating is just part of the ride.  

August is also my birthday.  So please give me the gift of sharing.  Share my blog with all your friends and family.  Who knows maybe one of them knows someone that would appreciate my brand of crazy.  Thanks for reading!!!!

Date of the Month-July Tuesday early evening coffee

So I cut it very close but I did have my July Date of the Month.  He is the last guy that I was talking to on OKStupid.  We emailed back and forth for months like at least 2 emails a week.  I wanted to look up the date of the first message but I deleted my OKStupid account.  We emailed pretty regularly.  When I decided to delete my account I told him and we exchanged info.  So we text back and forth for a few weeks and talked on the phone a few times.  He is pretty chatty online and via text. We had talked about hanging out but I ended up picked the date.  I volunteer for Make-A-Wish and had a meeting with a wish kid in his area so i suggested we hang out.  We arranged to meet for coffee.  

I got there first (I was actually early) and sat outside waiting.  He showed up and wow is he tall.   He is 6"3.  Holly shit!!  I am only 5"2 so you can just imagine how that looked.  He probably has to duck to get through some doorways and I can barely reach the second shelf in the kitchen cabinets in my apartment.  

July is 1/2 Japanese 1/2 white.  He is a military brat and lived in Japan as a child before moving to the states.   He moved to Tennessee before Jr High  and has a slight southern accent.  Not enough to make him sound unintelligent.  In my opinion the southern accent sounds better when it comes from a woman.  His accents was slight and only noticeable occasionally.  

I noticed he had a yin and yang necklace on around his neck.  Kinda looked like this one.  

Is the origin of Yin and Yang Japanese?  Huhhh I wonder.  Are you wondering?  

Hold on.  I Am going to google it. 

Huhh...... 



So no.  Yin and Yang is Chinese philosophy.   So I guess he just really likes the ideas of complementary forces which is what Yin and Yang represent.  


I told him about my friend Jaymie.  I think I was 24 when we met.  It is a pretty crazy story.  Did you notice that we spell our names the same way?  It isnt as common as other spellings.  We are also 6  months apart to the day.  My birthday is Aug 13.  Yes it is coming up.  And her birthday is Feb 13th.  Many, many years ago we went to the fair together.  There was a booth to get a necklace of the phase of the moon on your birthday.  We looked it up.  I was born on a Full Moon she was born on a New Moon.  I am a complete extrovert but she is more introverted.  There is other random things that are complimentary about my friend Jaymie and I.  

I saw his necklace and told him about her.  We also talked about our friends and family.  We talked about work.  We chatted about movies and other things that I just cant recall right now. There was more than a few awkward silences.  I noticed myself saying, "so ya" as filler.  

We hung out for just over an hour.  He was really chatty via email and text but not so much in person.  I have the ability to help carry a conversation and save from a painful death but I struggled a bit with July.  I was really glad we didn't plan to meet for dinner.  

Message that made my day, week, and probably my year!!!

Sometimes friends say the nicest things.    Over a glass of wine, a friend of mine said some really nice things about me and the ways I had impacted her.  I adored hearing it but suggested that she write it down and send it to me.  I didn't want to forget what she had said (come on we were drinking) and I told her that it would be nice to read when I was feeling defeated by the dating monster of just life in general.  She sent it to me a few days later.  Her message made my day, week, and probably my year.  I actually got this message from my friend about two months ago.  

Boys and girls, Today is that day.  I needed a pick me up.  The dating monster is messing with me a bit but life in general is kicking my ass.  

I am teaching middle school for summer school.  WOW!!    Middle School is a different beast. Hormones are racing.  One of my student has a crush on a much older boy.  I could practically see the chemical reaction when she saw him.  He did not return her admiration and she was crushed.  I saw first hand why it is called a crush.  I hated seeing her crying.  So sad.  It also made me think of the various time I have cried over a guy through the years.  I can only remember a few directly.   Maybe another time I will share one of those stories but right now I just want to focus on the positive. 

Do you remember sending notes like this?  

Check out a more modern day example I found...

Here is the email......and no this isn't a ploy for more compliments.  But, If you wanted to tell me how awesome I am.........I would LOVE it.  

This email comes to you as a proclamation of how your positive energy and attitude towards dating, being single, and just living and enjoying life has influenced myself making adjustments to better my own thoughts and actions, as I am sure you have done for others as well.

Being single and dating can be very daunting for some people (and maybe at one time, yours truly who would have preferred being curled up into the fetal position instead). I really admire how open you are about your experiences, and your complete willingness to have these experiences. You are a smart, independent woman who is truly content being single, lives and enjoys life, and just sees having a man in your life as an added bonus. You have taken the pressure out of dating and have found a way to just enjoy the process of dating (not an easy feat!) You have classified your experiences as funny, ironic, fun, crazy, and interesting...rather than traumatic, or a waste of time. And because of this, I know in my heart, you will find yourself in that partnership that will add so much joy to your life at some point. Then it will be time to pass the torch to the rest of the singletons who need your energy and positivity to make dating life a positive one!

I am in such a better headspace now about dating and single life, about letting go of someone who was obviously not right for me and acknowledging that it was more about the companionship than anything else. I have not felt this content and confident in years. When I reflect on how I got here in these past few months, your influence gets most of the credit :) One more single woman back in the dating game!

Thanks for being your spunky, funny, confident, and smart self Jaymie Dean, and keep of on trucking. My only advice for you, don't be afraid to open your heart back up when the time is right. It's OK to be a girl sometimes. And it's okay to "fall" eventually. You might get hurt, or it might be wonderful. Your a strong woman and can handle either. And you will learn something. And then have a good blog entry :)

Cheers! 

Tonight I saw one of the guys I distinctly remember crying over.  I went to my first   quinceañera. It was for my friends daughter.  She looked so beautiful.  I also saw this guy I dated that I met through the friend.    We only dated for a few months and it ended almost a year ago but I did really care for him.  So I wasn't sure how I would feel about seeing him again.  Everything was fine and I am so glad that it wasn't awkward at all.  We talked a bit about what was going on in our lives.  We were both friendly and seemed equally comfortable.  So yeah!!